Written by Dr. Carosso
It’s fascinating how parents have such a difficult time with their children’s sleep. Kids won’t go to bed, can’t fall asleep, won’t stay asleep, won’t sleep alone, want a drink or snack, awaken and get in the parent’s bed, sleep walk, or have night terrors. Parents typically find themselves awake at 2:00 AM with their child, sleeping with their child, and bleary-eyed the following morning. What is a parent to do?
Fortunately, there are answers.
First, to the extent that we can imagine, lets think back to the ‘good old days’ before electricity. As far as we can tell, people spent daylight hours out-of-doors in ‘real’ light. As evening approached, light slowly dissipated and the family ventured in-doors, with low light thru candles or a lantern, and the family environment calmed and quieted before bed. The process of going to sleep actually took place over a period of hours in a gradual, natural, and unencumbered manner.
Compare this pleasant and sleep-inducing process to what our kids experience in these modern times. It’s a wonder that any of us sleep. We are exposed to unnatural light during the day (light bulbs), way too much light at night, we’re over-stimulated by television and videos, and it’s typically only exhaustion that finally overtakes these sleep-inhibitors.
Here are some helpful sleep tips:
-Get your child up early, on-time, in the morning. No nap during the day unless you find a 15 minute nap is helpful (children should be done napping by four or five years of age).
-Get your child exposed to outdoor light during the day.
-Activity and exercise is vital.
-Create a calming effect as evening approaches, turning down the lights, TV, and computers; reduce stimulation.
-Maintain a consistent bedtime routine complete with warm bath and warm milk.
-Quiet time should precede bedtime, then move to night-time prayers (asking Jesus for a good rest and fun dreams) and reading a bedtime story.
-Some children respond favorably to one to three milligrams of melatonin an hour before bedtime as directed by the child's pediatrician.
Going to sleep is a process, not an event. Implement these strategies and see the difference. Pleasant dreams.
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Written by Dr. Carosso
When we think of behavior management, we tend to think of time-honored strategies such as time-out, loss of privilege, or "grounding" a child. We tend to think of "behavior management" as how a child's behavior will be managed.
Instead, we may be better-off to think of behavior management of how the parent or caregiver is going to "manage" their own behavior that will hopefully have a positive impact on their child. It could be said that a child's behavior, whether good or problematic, is a response to the parent's behavior and actions. Therefore, we may be more effective if we focus on our own behavior.
That means focusing on what we say, how we say it, how consistent we are, the relationship we have with our child, how often we praise, and how we model effective problem-solving, all of which has a profound effect on the child's behavior.
Consequently, as a parent, it may be helpful to think of "behavior management" in terms of how you are going to manage your own behavior, and adjust your responses to your child's behavior, to promote harmony within the family home.
Remember, you may have more success focusing on how you’ll change your own behavior, which will then have a positive impact on your child.
I'll be writing more in the days to come about how parents can "manage" their behavior to produce a positive outcome in their child's behavior. Stay tuned. If you found this to be helpful, forward to a friend and subscribe. God bless.
Written by Dr. Carosso
Parents are often directed by professionals like me to provide "structure" for their child, which is said to be a benefit to the child's overall development. However, do you know what "structure" means? This often-used term is usually misunderstood and trying to define precisely what professionals mean when they say "structure" is often tough to pin-down.
Okay, so here goes my try at it: one way to perceive "structure" is to compare the term with a "building" or “house” within which there are walls, doors, windows, and other "boundaries" that show us where and how we can go. Walls stop us in our tracks (no one likes to walk into a wall), while windows and doors provide fresh air and a way out.
In the same way, limit-setting by parents provides "walls" that stop children from problematic behavior that could cause them harm. Doors would be those parent-provided openings for potential freedoms (when the door is open). The younger the child, typically the more there are "walls" and "doors."
'Structures', such as our home, provide a sense of security for kids and parents alike. However, by the same token, at times those same walls and doors can make us feel "claustrophobic", which necessitates time for going outside away from those confines of walls and doors.
In a similar manner, at times, limit-setting needs to be reduced and children need to be provided freedom (especially as they grow older); a balanced approach to providing structure (limit-setting) and going outside (freedom) is vital. Moreover, as a child grows older, the walls tend to come down, and doors open, so long as the youth is responsible, trustworthy, and maturely handling the increased levels of freedom.
The complexity of parenthood is maintaining that proper balance between walls, doors, windows, and being outside (so to speak).
In future blogs, I will be presenting on how to set limits (put up walls) in a manner that elicits a willing response from your child, as opposed to your child attempting to put holes in the walls, either figuratively or literally:)
If you found this helpful, subscribe and forward to a friend. God bless.
Written by Dr. Carosso
Children with autism invariably demonstrate what are called ‘self-stimulatory behaviors’. These are compulsive rituals and behaviors that can be quite challenging to squelch, including hand-flapping, rocking, jumping, squealing, pacing, echoing, and obsessing. To manage these behaviors, parents must first realize that we all ‘self-stimulate’ to one degree or another; hopefully we do so in more socially acceptable ways. Take a look around you, and you’ll see finger, pencil, and foot-tapping, pacing, biting fingernails, chewing on a pencil, rocking in a rocking chair… These are outlets for our anxiety and energy. It’s also important to note that, equally often, these behaviors tend to be self-soothing as opposed to stimulating. So, with those considerations in mind; here’s what to do:
I trust you’ll find these strategies to be effective. Please provide some feedback regarding what you’ve found to be helpful. Also, feel free to ask any questions and don’t forget to subscribe to regularly receive our posts the emails. Also, if you found this helpful, why not forward to a friend. God bless.
Written by Dr. Carosso
Lets clear some things up:)
First: “autism” is not a diagnosis, but a term used to describe the wide spectrum of autistic disorders, ranging from Autistic Disorder, to Asperger’s, to Pervasive Developmental Disorder NOS.
Second: children with “autism” are, far more often than not, loving, affectionate, and empathic (to one degree or another) especially with their family members.
Third: These children are typically not mentally retarded but, rather, intelligent. However, their language deficits often interfere with learning.
Fourth: the “epidemic” is among the higher functioning types of autism. The rates of children with ‘Autistic Disorder’ have always been, and remain, at about 1-2% of the population. The reason for the increase in rates for these ‘higher functioning’ kiddos (often those diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Asperger’s) may be due to some environmental toxin and that practitioners are now diagnosing children who would have ‘slipped through the cracks’ years ago.
Finally: we don’t know what causes autism, but there is growing evidence that vaccinations don’t.
Hope that helps to clear things up. Lets hear your response. God bless.
Written by Dr. Carosso
Now we have more evidence, care of the British Medical Journal, that prior assertions of vaccinations causing autism are false. Of course, Dr. Wakefield is standing firm on his earlier claims but not looking especially credible in the process. Nonetheless, if nothing else good has come from this, at least there is more care regarding how vaccinations are administered. Regardless of whether vaccinations caused autism or not, I always had concerns about putting so many chemicals, all at once, in that little infant body. Otherwise, there is ample evidence to suggest that withholding vaccinations harms your child given the subsequent increased susceptibility to disease and illness. I would appreciate your comments; please provide feedback with your opinion. God bless and stay healthy.
Written by Dr. Carosso
You get into an argument with your spouse. You know your point is valid but you’re having trouble getting your mate to acknowledge your view; instead, he just wants to “move on” and “forget about it.” So, he tries to change the subject and you’re left feeling unheard and misunderstood. You’re simply not ready to “move on” and you feel ‘stuck’ and frustrated. As you're stewing over the problem, you think that, if only your point of view was acknowledged, even in disagreement, you’d feel more at-ease and prepared to move-on. Well, the same thing happens every time you want to “move on” past your child’s disappointment, frustration, anger, or problem.
Okay, here’s the scenario: your child complains that he does not want to stop playing that new video game, you just purchased for him, to empty the trash. You abruptly respond, in irritated fashion, for him to follow your direction “NOW” and ignore his obvious frustration. Okay, I know what you're thinking; there are situations when there is simply no time for discussing the matter; nevertheless, you may find that, just as with your prior argument with your spouse, that a simple ‘reflective’ comment, acknowledging your child’s feelings, would help him to more quickly move beyond his feelings and carry-out the assigned task. For example, a comment such as “I understand it’s frustrating to be taken away from your new game. After you finish the chore you can return to playing” may prove to be quite helpful. Feeling ‘heard’ is extraordinarily powerful; it bolsters a sense of comfort and then allows for moving beyond, and past, the problem at hand.
Otherwise, we tend to feel ‘stuck’ in the argument. Reflective listening is vital in all relationships, for topics that are both positive (“I’m so happy for your accomplishment, you worked so hard…”) and negative (“you're feel sad that your friend didn’t show-up, that can be disappointing”). In regards to this latter situation regarding the friend not showing up, the child will sense his feelings were acknowledged and more likely be willing to move forward to problem-solving, e.g. “why don’t you call your friend Timothy and see if he wants to come over instead.” In the absence of reflective listening, there is a tendency for your child to become argumentative (“I’m not calling Timmy, I wanted Jim to be here…”).
You can more readily avoid such conflicts with your child, and with any other person in your life, by listening for, and acknowledging, their feelings. Try it; you may find yourself feeling happier too. Feel free to comment, subscribe, and forward to a friend:) God bless.
Written by Dr. Carosso
Okay, as a professional you know that I am supposed to tell you that corporal punishment (spanking) is a no-no and you shouldn’t do it. I’m supposed to tell you that it’s ineffective and simply does not work. Well, I’m not going to tell you that; or at least not that it doesn’t work.
Think of it this way, I imagine most of you men (If any men actually read this blog) would think twice before crossing a guy three times your size. Well, likewise, your kiddo isn’t stupid and realizes when he’s been out-gunned; which is why spanking works. Of course, many of us have our own experience with being spanked, and recognize first-hand the potential effectiveness of a hand on the back-side. However, once we move past the recognition of spanking being effective in getting kids to obey, we are left with some potential problems. I hear you saying ‘I knew you were going to say that…” Well, ignorance can be bliss, but maybe not so blissful for your kids, especially if you rely on spanking as your primary form of discipline.
What are the problems? First, do you really want to hit your kids? Is there not something inherently wrong with hitting anyone, let alone somebody you love? Also, are we not trying to send appropriate messages to our kids. Do you like the message of ‘when somebody frustrates you, hit them.’ If your child is prone to be aggressive, e.g. hits his sister when angry, then does it help to tell him “no hitting” and then spank him? How does a parent feel while spanking? Obviously, they’re angry and frustrated; is it a stretch that an angry parent, in the heat of the moment, might hit too hard, or too many times? Does spanking teach the child more appropriate ways of behaving? Is time-out, loss of privilege, the softer and closer approach, or behavior charts more effective? Does spanking create good or bad feelings; does it promote a positive, or negative, tone in the family? Is spanking consistent with Jesus’ command to do unto others as you’d have done unto you?
These are questions to ask yourself; the answers will lead you in the right direction. Oh, by the way, since I brought-up Jesus, you may be thinking about that ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ verse. However, God’s “rod” also provides comfort (23rd Psalm “your rod and your staff, they comfort me”); rods were used in Biblical days to guide sheep, not beat them. We want to guide our children; love them, teach and comfort them. The manner in which you carry out those duties, in a consistent, loving, and firm way, maybe even with a sense of humer, will serve you well in raising your kids. Now, go get softer and closer with your kids. I'd love to read your comments. Also, subscribe to regularly receive posts, and forward to a friend:) God bless.
Written by Dr. John Carosso
I specialize in the diagnosis and treatment of dyslexia and dysgraphia; two conditions that are often, more generally, labeled as a “learning disability.” These conditions are usually inherited (that’s right kids, don’t say your parents never gave you anythingJ) and can greatly interfere with a child’s ability to progress in school. Fortunately, there are an abundance of treatment options but the options can also result in parents being overwhelmed and not knowing what’s best for their child.
Here are some considerations: first, read to your child daily, assuming that the person reading to the child is a good reader and can clearly and accurately pronounce the letters and words. In that regard, there’s no sense in confusing the child further. Books on tape can be helpful otherwise.
Second, practice writing skills initially thru tracing and progressively moving to free-hand. Repetitive tracing and writing of problem letters (b’s, p’s, d’s…) is helpful. Use off-white paper with larger-size font (14 pt or more) to reduce the letters appearing to “move around on the page” (a common complaint).
Third: practice phonics on-line; simply google “free phonics games” and plenty of sites will be available for daily, fun-filled practice. I also advise a multi-sensory approach, such as the Orton-Gillingham reading program.
There are a host of other options that can be found in a nifty hand-out available by simply requesting, in the Comments section below. Also, feel free to ask any questions in the Comments section. If you found this helpful, forward to a friend and subscribe. Happy reading.
Written by: Dr. John Carosso
Okay, so your child has been found to have a learning disability. The big question now is, what do you do about it? It seems like you’re doing all the right things; an IEP is being developed at school, you have a tutor, and you spend extra time reading to your child and reviewing phonics. All those interventions are appropriate and can be quite effective. Of course, there is a host of other things to consider for remediation, and I’ll cover those things in my next post. However, the most important thing to consider is what do you do, in that interim, between implementing these interventions and your child actually demonstrating progress? Is it realistic that your child can be expected to read two chapters and write a two page essay? Well, for some children with learning disabilities it is, but for most it’s not. When discussing issues of dyslexia and dysgraphia with parents, I make the point that what’s important is that their child demonstrates that specific facts have been learned; how that is demonstrated can be inconsequential.
So, I suggest using any number of modifications including books on tape, a parent reading the chapter to their child, a scribe, dictation software, oral responses, learning to type, and any number of other legitimate interventions that help the child to learn, and demonstrate what they’ve learned on tests and in the classroom. It’s important to think outside the box.
It’s vital your child learns these strategies because they may rely on them for the rest of their life; which is fine. It may be that your child is never a strong reader or writer; however, there are plenty of ways to compensate so that he or she can function just fine in society.
Of course, we’re not going to give-up on improving reading and writing skills, but we have to be realistic when considering strengths and weaknesses.
Hope that helps. God Bless. Feel free to leave a comment or question below:)
