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October 28, 2010

The Softer and Closer Approach

Written by: Dr. John Carosso
Many years ago as a young buck, starting out as a School Psychologist, I came across a Principal who had established a ritual with his teachers that, at the conclusion of every meeting, he would huddle the teachers together and lead a chant "softer and closer" repeated four to five times, before sending the teachers off to their students.  I am hard pressed to contemplate a more significant or relevant mantra for teachers or parents.  I have espoused the "softer and closer" approach since that time, and can think of no better way to connect with a child whether working as a mental health professional, or as a parent.  In that regard, getting on the child's level, moving-in close, and speaking in a soft tone, if not a whisper, is remarkably comforting and powerful for a child in any situation, but especially when the child is experiencing a difficulty and needs supportive guidance.  Try with your own child; rather than standing across the room yelling, get close, soft, and comforting in tone, and see the difference.  Similarly, I speak of "time-in" as opposed to "time-out"; try it, the softer and closer approach, and see the difference. Feel free to comment or question:)

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