Written by Dr. John Carosso
The Christmas and New Years Holiday really is magical and fun; a wonderful time of year that spreads warm feelings and cheer in families and communities throughout the world. The celebration is well deserved, and we all tend to look forward to this very special time of year.
Yeah, there is a ‘but’ for many parents with kiddo’s struggling with any number of behavioral health or developmental issues such as ADHD and autism. In those homes, the hectic and often-times over-stimulating nature of this holiday season can bring about all sorts of behaviors, meltdowns, over-activity, and fixations.
First, remember that you know your child best. Given the frequent changes in routine during the holiday season, you know whether your child fixates on the routine and if it’s best to not convey the daily schedule till the last minute, or if your child thrives on knowing the routine in advance and finds the information to be comforting. You also know whether it’s best to do all the decorations quickly, all at once, to get it over with; or if your child responds better to a slow and steady approach.
You’ve also shopped enough with your child to know the best approach. The challenge during the Season is that these shopping trips are usually a bit longer, so it’s even more important to take breaks, have fun items to keep your kiddo’s busy, and work your way into each store maybe a bit slower than usual. Some kiddo’s respond well to headphones and darker tinted glasses.
During the holidays, the daily routine that you’ve worked so hard to maintain usually becomes more unpredictable, but do your best to keep some semblance of routine and order. Social stories, written schedules, and visual schedules, and reminders can be very helpful.
It can be helpful to wait until the last minute to arrange the gifts, given the temptation your child may face to open ahead of time. However, again, you know your child best and some find it very enticing and pleasant to see the presents, and would not dare open any until the designated time. Also, with that in mind, turn-taking to open presents can be coordinated by passing an ornament to whose turn it may be to open a present. Also, offering a quiet, out-of-the-way place for your kiddo to play with his new toys may also be helpful to avoid grabbing at other’s toys, becoming overly upset if somebody touches his toys, and causing disruption.
If your child has food sensitivities or is very finicky, you may want to bring some food along to Aunt Jennie’s house for the celebration. Also, before arriving, it may also help to show your kiddo pictures of who will be there, and what to expect every step of the way. Sometimes children respond better if they gradually mix-in with the crowd as opposed to all at once; and provide a ‘safe-haven’ if it becomes too overwhelming. You’re the best judge of how much your child can tolerate, so you’ll be keeping a watchful-eye, and intervening when necessary. Also, regarding the family, prepare them for what to expect from your kiddo and how they can help the situation rather than make it worse.
These were just a few tips to consider during this Christmas season. Most importantly; enjoy this time with your children, family, and friends. Relish these opportunities, no matter how chaotic or stressful they may become at times. In years ahead, you’ll look back and miss these days. Don’t miss them now. God bless you and your family during this blessed Christmas Season.
Written by Dr. John Carosso
There are lots of considerations, but the primary key is keeping your teen busy and on a regular schedule. You know the saying, "idle hands are the devil’s workshop." That’s as true for teens as for adults. If teens have too much downtime, they typically do not use it wisely and, paradoxically, they use their time less wisely than those who are busy. So, if your teen is earning less than optimal grades and using time unwisely, here are some things to consider:
Establish a consistent after-school routine. There needs to be time set-aside for extra-curricular activities, homework, study, chores, mealtime, with some free-time mixed-in. Once the routine is established, it runs on auto-pilot. In the beginning, write-out and post the schedule.
You’d prefer that your teenager is independent, taking care of daily homework and other responsibilities, and not need your oversight. Yes, that is preferred by everyone. As a parent, ultimately it’s your decision whether to back-off and let your child 'sink or swim' as an older teenager, or continue to provide the level of monitoring and cajoling you did when he or she was younger. This is not an easy decision, but if your teen is floundering and you don't provide some degree of discipline, it may not get better. However, some teens will independently rise to the occasion before completely coming off the rails; sometimes it’s a gamble and a nail-biter for the parent, but you know your child best and 'the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.' In that respect, if your child has typically been a stellar student, then it's less likely you'll need to intensively intervene (but you may need to implement some structure, and assess the problem-at- hand that led to the decline in the first place).
I’ve found the when/then scenario is most helpful. In that respect, no access to video games, or hanging with friends, or whatever, until after homework and study-time. True, they won't like being treated like a child, but you may have little choice if they are going to act like a child. Also, note that, in spite of your kiddo being a teen, you still hold all the cards. There is very little they have, or want, that you don’t provide, and could withhold.
A strong moral compass is vital; it sure helps if your voice is not alone in the background reminding them to ‘do the right thing’, and nothing better than getting to church or synagogue to bolster the spiritual side and, as well, involvement with the youth group. A mission’s trip is a nice touch too. I know you’re more than aware that ‘birds of a feather flock together’ so it helps to get your child involved with kids who are productive and focused. In the meantime, a part-time job is admirable, as is involvement in sports, clubs, groups, and other adult-supervised activities.
School and academics come first, but often teens who are busy with jobs, sports, and clubs make better and more efficient use of their time compared to those who have too much time on their hands. In that respect, the latter group finds it too easy to procrastinate, often till it's too late, while the former has no such luxury. However, if you see you teen’s grades suffering because they just can’t manage all the activities, then time to set structure and limits for them.
If your teen struggles with ADHD, anxiety, or mood-related issues, then it's still potentially beneficial to keep them busy and active, and it's even more important to help them structure their time with a consistent routine, a distraction-free environment, organizational skills, and soothing/calming self-talk.
Use family and community-based resources to add more structure to your teen's life. The idea is to allow for limited free time hanging with friends by keeping them super busy with school work, studying, going to church youth group, sports and, if a male, doing things with Dad (during the late pre-teen and teen years for males, the relationship with Dad, or a stable father-figure, is the key). If that prospect does not go well, and kiddo is rebelling, then it may be best to pursue some outside counseling. Some parents may have the kiddo talk with church youth pastor first, or maybe a trusted aunt or uncle. Either way, ideally, add structure and routine to your youth’s life (as I mentioned, most of the time, kids going down the wrong path have way too much free time). If the youth rebels when redirected, and refuses structure, then again you could leverage your power in the relationship (see above), have your child talk to the trusted family member, or youth pastor, and then, if necessary, arrange an appointment with me before things get too far off the rails.
Believe me, I know first-hand that raising a teen can be a challenge. The balancing-act between allowing the obligatory freedom while continuing to provide oversight and discipline can feel like walking a tight-rope over Niagara Falls. If you feel the walk is becoming too precarious, don’t hesitate to drop me an email with any questions at jcarosso@cpcwecare.com or feel free to call the office to make an appointment.
Have a wonderful Christmas and New Years.
Written by Dr. John Carosso
Mr. John Rosemond, a psychologist who writes a syndicated article in the local paper, is increasingly driving me nuts, and he’s at it again. You may have seen his recent article in the Trib; he writes that children diagnosed mildly on the autism spectrum are largely just ‘quirky’, and summarily and unnecessarily diagnosed.
Ridiculous comments such as that do nothing but cause parents confusion and strife. Practitioners go to great lengths to ensure a child, when diagnosed, is done so accurately and reliably.
When a child has mild symptoms, determining whether the child meets all the diagnostic criteria can, in fact, become challenging. However, even in those situations, the ‘mild’ and ‘borderline’ symptomology is thoroughly explained to the parent as just that, as well as the likelihood of an excellent prognosis. In order to error on the side of caution, all too often the child is not outright diagnosed as having autism and, in fact, mild autism is under, not over-diagnosed.
The DSM-V specifies, for autism spectrum disorder, Criterion D, that “symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.” Put another way, the symptoms, no matter how mild, must be ‘getting in the way’ of the child’s functioning. In that respect, parents who bring their child for an evaluation do so for a reason. It’s not because they’re bored and have nothing better to do. It’s because their kids, even if presenting with only “mild” symptoms to the casual observer, are appreciably struggling in some ways. It is vital to spell-out the extent to which autism symptomology is contributing to these struggles, and provide the necessary treatment. Casting doubt on this process only hurts children.
Mr. Rosemond naively and arrogantly claims to have “done a good amount of reading on this issue” and that’s how he has come to his conclusion. Instead, he should spend a week with you, and me, and kiddos directly experiencing these struggles, and maybe then he would get a clue.
God bless you as you continue to pursue what’s best for your child and the very best in treatment options. Please feel free to let me know of any questions or concerns you have along the way, and how I can further assist you in that effort.
Written by Dr. John Carosso
I decided to re-post this post because, as of late, this issue has repeatedly been broached during my talks with parents. I hope you find this to be helpful.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the tried-and-true discipline method of taking away video-games, a favorite toy, or whatever else, is largely ineffective and, in fact, counter-productive. How can that be, you ask, when taking away a favorite activity is probably the most commonly-used behavior management strategy parents have in their arsenal? Well, here’s the truth the matter.
Here is the scenario, a child does not do their chores or back-talks; parent yells and then takes away the video games “for a week!!!”. Child yells back, negotiates, parent may or may not follow-through. If the parent follows through, child pesters incessantly to get the video-games back. If parent removes the games at all, it’s definitely not for an entire week. The next time the child misbehaves (an hour later or the next day…) the parent does not have video-games to use as a punishment (they’re already taken away).
So, in that scenario, the threat of taking away video games (or whatever) results in worse behavior due to the emotion stirred at losing the favored item, the subsequent pestering, and not having the games to use later as a punishment. Does that sound effective?
If taking away privileges is the ‘numero-uno ‘ of punishments, then time-out is a very close second. However, how does that work for you? You put your child on the steps or in a corner; takes 15 minutes of yelling, cajoling, and emotion to get them in time-out in the first place, they fuss once there (yell-out when is it going to be over, get teased by their siblings, seek attention from you…), won’t stay there, and then finally they “complete” time-out after maybe a few minutes of quiet, if that.
I’ve heard 10,000 times (maybe more) “I’ve tried that, it doesn’t work” when suggesting discipline strategies to parents. I don’t blame them; they’re right; these strategies, as they are typically used, don’t work. This is why counseling with a professional who can offer solid suggestions is so important given that implementing punishments the right way is not easy thing.
I’ll start with best ‘punishment’, if used correctly, that a parent has in his or her arsenal. Just to clarify, I think rewards, kudos, the softer-and-closer approach… are far more effective than any punishment, but at some point a parent has to set serious limits, and nothing beats time-out if used properly.
The key to time-out is that it’s used without any pestering (just say “1”, “2”, “3”) and absolutely no emotion. There is no arguing, fussing, or carrying-on no matter the child’s reaction; rely on the consequence not your words or your emotion.
The nice thing about time-out in the room is that it immediately ends the emotion, gives a chance for everyone to calm and, when it’s over, it’s over and you move on!!! The child can do whatever he or she wants in the room except electronics. You can take away toys and books to make it more aversive if necessary.
Loss of privilege can be effective, but there are specific ways to make it work. First, differentiate between immediate loss of privilege that is used until a task is accomplished (premack principle, or “when/then”). In this manner, ‘when’ your child has cleaned his room or done his homework, he can ‘then’ go out to play. The ‘not being able to go out to play’ is the loss of privilege, and is withheld immediately until the unfavored task (chore) is done.
The other form of loss of privilege can be used over a 24 hour period. This way, every day, specific tasks need to be accomplished (homework, chores, respect toward parent…); if the task(s) are accomplished by a specific time each day (say, 8:00PM), then the next day the child earns the privilege (video games, going out to play…); if not, then the next day the privilege is not earned. Each day is a new day and dependent on what happened the day before. In this scenario, it’s vital to make sure the tasks are achievable, and that the child has a fair shot in actually completing the task; otherwise, you’re dooming your child to failure.
There is a basic overview of why loss of privilege and time-out often are woefully ineffective, and how to improve your chances of positive outcomes. This post was a bit longer than usual but there is still so much more to say; I could write a book on this subject alone (hmmmm) so feel free to ask any questions at DrCarosso@aol.com. Happy disciplining.
Written by Dr. John Carosso
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"
The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"
The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"
Yep, we love to laugh, and so do our kids. It lightens our mood, helps us to forget our worries, refocuses our problems, and helps to bolster relationships especially during times of stress. Yes, discipline is stressful for both kids and parents and what better time to lighten the mood and break the tension.
Definitely take advantage of a good sense of humor and, if you have a sense of humor, good for you!! It’s a wonderful gift, and great to use in your parenting repertoire. If you’re not so funny, you can develop the skill. You just need to look for the opportunities.
Here are some ideas of how to lighten the mood, but first, a few jokes:
My 7-year-old daughter asked me twice today "what poison would kill someone the fastest?" and now I'm wondering if I've underestimated her.
When my kid is screaming in a restaurant and I'm not doing anything it's because I'm waiting for a stranger to step in and handle it.
Okay, back to the topic at-hand: keep in mind that you already know how to use humor and silliness to get your child to comply. In fact, you started with your kids, when they were very young, making chores fun by introducing the task with a playful sing-song voice (the ‘clean-up song…’), being silly, making a game of it, and doing all sorts of fun things to help promote motivation (yours and theirs). As your kiddo has gotten older, yes, more independence is expected, but do we need to remove all aspects of fun and silliness from the endeavor?
If you’re prone toward silliness and you have not completely lost all child-like inclinations, you can have a ball with your kiddo even during chore-time. When giving directives, you can use different voices (opera singer, John Wayne, Scooby Doo), and if your child back-talks, falling to the floor and playing dead is a hoot. Actually, falling to the floor to play dead, faking a trip and falling, or falling for any reason is something kids find to be hilarious (pretending to fall over the stuff on the messy floor of his bedroom, then bouncing back up with a pair of pants on your head…). Fake crying when your kid is giving you a hard time, crying like your child does, and really pouring it on, is funny and also breaks the tension and reduces power-struggles. Also, never miss an opportunity for a tickling session. However, as our kids get older, we tend to become less silly, which is a shame. Nevertheless, there are still many ways to use humor and change-things-up a bit.
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year-old girl in her cart. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long." He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out." The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap." The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..." The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."
Change things up; think outside the box. For example, if your child fusses about the clothes you picked-out for her, or won’t get dressed, then let her pick-out your clothes, or tell her that, if she won’t wear them, then you’ll wear her clothes and she has to wear your clothes. Or, if won’t brush the teeth, then you tell your kiddo that you’re going to show them how, but you do it in a crazy and silly way. Another fun idea is playfully tell your child “I’m going to get you” and chase them, rather than demanding they “come here now!!! It’s fun, silly, and diverts the power struggle. I have no doubt you can think of more fun and sillier ideas than my lame suggestions (by nature, I’m not a very funny person ☹, but the important thing, is ‘that that do’ not ‘what you do’). Kids appreciate the effort, they really do. Also, kids don’t want to be outdone, so they’ll get silly right back, and you both can have a lot of fun during times that are typically stressful. Having a fun sense of humor is contagious and both parents and kids will get into the act, so to speak. It really helps to improve the mood of the home, and helps kids to want to help-out, rather than feeling forced.
A good sense of humor, not taking things too seriously, and putting things into perspective, is a tool that kids can rely on throughout life to help them. The ability to see the humor in things will also:
I know what you’re thinking; “we’re on a tight schedule, I don’t have time for all the silliness, we have to get things done….”. I hear ya; however, I’m not sure that fighting with your child, for an hour, over what she is going to wear is saving you a lot of time.
It could be seen that way. However, could also be seen as being creative, thinking outside the box, avoiding the ‘gulag approach’ to parenting, and helping to get things done that usually don’t get done.
You may be wondering “do I act silly and use humor all the time, like every morning…”? Well, you could, but then it might lose its impact, not to mention your child would think you’re, well, wacky. However, just like with anything else, now and again and mixing-in any given strategy, including humor, can be very effective.
How sad but true is this one:
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Another one, but not so sad (unless true for your situation at work):
Parenting tip: Treat a difficult child the way you would your boss at work. Praise his achievements, ignore his tantrums, and resist the urge to sit him down and explain to him how his brain is not fully developed – Robert Brault.
Don’t be sarcastic!! Using sarcasm is demeaning, belittling, causes bad feelings, and defeats the purpose of trying to use humor. Yes, sometimes sarcasm can be effective, but be very careful.
Now go and be silly, happy, funny, and child-like with your kids!
"Humor helps us to think out of the box. The average child laughs about 400 times per day, the average adult laughs only 15 times per day. What happened to the other 385 laughs?"
Anonymous
"Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble."
Martin Mull
“There's no one in there.”
A 6-year-old while watching his father knock on the wall to find a support beam to hang a picture frame
“When I’m too big for you to hold, I’ll hold you instead.”
Ashley, age 5
Written by Dr. John Carosso
It’s that ‘back to school’ time. Yes, it’s sad to see the summer coming to a close and definitely time to get back to the school routine.
Need I mention the difference between summer and school-year routines? If you start about 2-3 weeks out, it’s much easier to ship your kids into shape. Otherwise, it’s a culture-shock for your child, and not too pleasant for you either.
I'd love to hear any suggestions or tips you have about how you prepare your kids for back to school. Feel free to email me at jcarosso@cpcwecare.com. Thanks!
God bless and enjoy the rest of the summer
Written by Dr. John Carosso
Public outings with your child can be quite challenging and demanding, and there tends to be more outings over the summer recess. Children sometimes find the environment, whether it be a store or amusement park, to be over-stimulating, and want to carry-out the outing ‘on their terms’ rather than on yours. However, if you plan in advance, there are some strategies to improve the situation and make the outing more tolerable, if not pleasurable.
I hope these tips prove to be helpful and make your outings more fun and enjoyable. Happy Travels!!
Written by Dr. John Carosso
So, it’s not entirely uncommon that I see a kiddo and find that, prior, he had not been diagnosed with autism, but I find rather clear evidence to the contrary; or vice versa (but more often it’s the former issue). It’s understandable that those situations are very frustrating and confounding for a parent; they don’t know who to believe or where to turn. This problem usually stems around the diagnosis of autism, but sometimes also for Bipolar and ADHD.
This issue largely stems from the spectrum being very wide, and sometimes clinicians are looking for the more classic and stereotyped signs of autism that simply are not present. In that respect, a clinician might think that a child cannot have autism if they have good eye contact, or are social, have some friends, show shared enjoyment, are conversational, and don’t show much in the way of self-stimulatory behavior. However, it may be overlooked that the child is social but is socially awkward and, while he has friends, they recognize he is ‘different’. The child may be conversational and not prone toward ‘stims’, but is obsessive, has a mildly unusual speech cadence, sensory issues, and be highly routine-dependent among other things.
You may be thinking, isn’t there straight-forward diagnostic criteria and, either the criteria is met, or it ain’t. In a way that’s true, and there are also specific tests for autism such the ADOS and GARS. However, here’s the problem; even the criteria and tests are open to clinical judgement and a child may, for example, struggle with emotions or social skills, but for lots of different reasons. Most importantly, a child may present well in an office, but struggle in a social setting in the school or community, which is why parent-report is so vital to the diagnostic process. Of course, this is especially true for milder cases (it’s always easy to diagnosis something in a severe form).
You bet it does. The big question, in milder cases of just about any disorder, is whether the signs and symptoms are severe enough to ‘cross the line’ and be diagnosable. The milder the symptoms, the more clinical judgement comes into play. The more clinical judgement that comes into play, the more of a chance that you’ll get two different opinions. This is also truer for younger children; you’re much more likely to get a false-negative (no diagnosis when criteria are actually met) for a 2.5 year-old than a 7 year-old. Diagnoses that can be confounding in this respect would also include ADHD, Bipolar, and Reactive Attachment Disorder. However, again, the issue of getting countering opinions can be a problem with any given diagnosis.
First, take a deep breath and realize that this discrepancy can occur in any medical or behavioral health condition and, if it’s any consolation, note that it most likely reflects that your child’s symptoms are quite mild; if the symptoms were moderate to severe, there would be no differing of opinions. In that respect, I’ve found that, for some children, the symptoms are evident but very mild and it’s simply a matter of being a ‘borderline’ diagnosis. In those situations, it would be expected that one clinician may believe that the symptoms barely ‘cross the line’ but is diagnosable, while another does not; either way it’s very mild and clearly open to opinion and I clearly explain that issue during the evaluation.
To resolve, take note of five factors: 1.) the rationale of the practitioner who believes your child does not have the disorder, 2.) the rationale of the clinician who believes your child does have the disorder, 3.) the opinions and comments of other practitioners or professionals who have worked with your child such as speech pathologists or teachers, 4.) what concerns and symptoms that brought you to the clinician in the first place, and 5.) your own belief based on direct and daily observation. As you weigh these factors, take note of which explanation seems to make the most sense, which is most logical and reasonable, and which ‘fits’ best with what you observe and your experience with your child now and over the course of time. Of course, you can always get a third opinion.
In these situations, I am usually able to get the parent onboard because I clearly and explicitly explain how I’m coming-up with the diagnosis, and do so in a manner that is very parent-friendly and understandable. However, where there are remaining questions (those “borderline” cases), I begin the child in therapy, either in-office or in-the-home, and I use the eyes of the therapists to help guide the subsequent diagnostic process. In that respect, I maintain regular contact with the therapists to obtain information about what they observe during each session and whether it fits with my diagnosis. Ultimately, we are able to ‘figure it out’ one way or the other. My primary goal, in the meantime (while we ascertain the diagnosis) is to ensure that the child receives the proper level of treatment. I do not let diagnostic uncertainty, on anyone’s part, interfere with the kiddo being connected with therapists and practitioners who can work toward and promote progress. Moreover, I may use a “provisional” diagnosis that reflects evidence of signs and symptoms, but that more evidence needs to be garnered.
Yes, it matters. Practitioners who are specifically trained to make such a diagnosis would include a Licensed Child Psychologist, and/or a Board Certified Child Psychiatrist. These two types of professionals are specifically trained, more than other types, to diagnosis behavioral health conditions.
Getting two different opinions can be quite frustrating and exacerbating. If you encounter such a difficulty, I hope this posts helps in guiding you through the process to a definitive resolution. Please feel free to comment or question at jcarosso@cpcwecare.com, especially if you’ve experienced something similar.
God bless.
Written by Dr. John Carosso
A syndicated child psychologist recently wrote an article claiming that ADHD is not a real disorder and kids are ‘just being kids’ and not demonstrating signs of a disorder by being active or distracted. I formerly enjoyed reading that psychologist’s work, but have become increasingly disillusioned over time. In addition to writing that ADHD is not a genuine disorder, he also comes across as exceptionally harsh in his punishment, and seems to expect kids to be like little automotons and, if they dare disobey, he suggests sequestering the little criminal to their his room for weeks, sometimes even months, no joke.
Okay, back to the topic at-hand; is ADHD a real disorder? First, it has been clinically documented for over 100 years that some children are far more active and inattentive than others, and sometimes their activity level, and the extent of their distractibility, can get in the way of their daily functioning. This concept is nothing new; and the concept was not originated by pharmaceutical companies.
How do we come to classifying something as a disorder? There are any number of factors, including that there needs to be a consistent set of predictable signs, symptoms and characteristics, occurring together, preferably from some identifiable cause (not always the case, and may stem from multiple causes) that are significantly interfering with daily functioning, and not better explained by some other disorder or identifiable cause. Does that fit with the ADHD? I think so.
Context is very important. You see, the extent to which something is considered to be a disorder, and it’s prevalence, depends on where you are, and when you’re living in history. Consider dyslexia, for example, if you were growing-up 150 years ago in a rural community, the disorder of “dyslexia” probably would not exist, and definitely wouldn’t be anywhere near as prevalent as today. However, as many people as today would have problems with reading, but no one would know about it, or care, because the ability to read was not a big priority. That same fact would hold true in some areas of the world today where rates of illiteracy are very high. In those places, there is little opportunity to learn to read in the first place. What about ADHD? The same holds true; growing up 150 years ago on a farm would be conducive to a high activity level. There might still be problems with distractibility and not thoroughly completing chores, but such would likely be far less of an issue when compared to today when kids have to sit, all day, in a classroom. So, yes, in that respect, the diagnosis of ADHD is subject to context.
It’s not necessarily a matter of any given modern-day disorder not being a genuine disorder, instead it’s a matter of context that often makes the disorder more relevant and problematic. Given that reality, (that context plays a role) we need to seriously consider changing the context of our current educational programming and, even at home, regarding how we carrying-out activities. In that respect, would kids with ADHD and dyslexia have such a rough time, and would their condition be as problematic, if the kiddo’s had the opportunity to work on tasks while moving, run before each lengthy seated assignment, read with their ears rather than their eyes, complete assignments in shorter stints (I could go on and on) then maybe the condition(s) would be far less impactful.
It’s vital that children with genuine disorders get the help they need. Denying the issue exists will only worsen the problem, make people question the need for help, and blame the child for their behavior. We need common-sense solutions that not only help to remedy the symptoms of the disorder, but also make the symptoms less problematic in the first place. We need to think outside the box. Let’s start doing that today. God bless.
Written by Dr. John Carosso
Parents often talk of “bribing” their child and, when they use the term, there is a sense of ‘doing the wrong thing’, making the situation worse, and even a sense of guilt. However, in actuality, when using the term, parents are often simply conveying the idea of giving their child something extra to promote obedience. I would suggest, by that definition, we all “bribe” our kids on a daily basis.
Well, yes, we would be if, in fact, we were offering bribes. You see, giving a “bribe” is illegal. So, if you bribe anyone for anything, then off to jail you go.
Because we’re not bribing our kids. A bribe is an incentive, often in monetary form, to promote something corrupt or illegal.
Nope, we’re not. Instead, we are simply giving our kiddo’s some incentive to behave. That’s not illegal. In fact, it’s very legal, and quite wise.
We all need an incentive to accomplish goals. We hope that the incentive is internalized (i.e. our kids do the chore because they want to and realize that it’s just ‘the right thing to do’) but for many kids that’s just not the case. Also, in all fairness, sometimes it’s just harder for some kids, with ADHD for example, to pay attention and stay focused; they are using far more energy than other kids to accomplish tasks and they tend to tucker-out quicker. Consequently, we need to provide some external motivation (a reward or prize) for them to exert that extra energy and then fade the reward over time as the child matures, learns better coping skills, and internalizes the motivation. . It’s not much different from you getting a paycheck for doing your work, though hopefully your paycheck does not fade over time. In any case, we all need motivation of some sort.
It’s a brief explanation, but I hope that helps to clear-up the difference between a “bribe” and simply offering an incentive for your child to complete their chores. Now go give those bribes, oops, I mean rewards.
