Interestingly, transitions can be a challenging prospect. For neurotypical and atypical/diverse kiddos alike, transitioning from favored to disliked tasks, or even from any given activity to another, can be daunting and met with resistance, emotion, defiance, and tantrums. In fact, difficulty with activity transitions is a top-three complaint from parents regarding their kiddo’s.
Well, there are likely a number of reasons. Really, who wants to transition from a fun and enjoyable task (playing with toys, watching TV, drawing, playing with technology) to emptying the garbage, doing homework, or having to sit quietly and attentively for dinner? The same is true for adults. How much do we want to stop reading our favorite book to do the laundry or cut the grass? And how much do we appreciate pestering and cajoling to do so?
However, what about moving from one fun task to another equally fun activity? For example: moving between activities or transitioning to circle time in a preschool or Kindergarten. There could be any number of issues to consider in that case. Included in this, children with autism having a strong need for ‘sameness.’ Moving to a different activity is ‘change’ and perceived as unsettling. They often feel the need to fully complete a task before moving to another.
Let’s review some options. We often focus only on the first phase of any transition, which is a good start, but insufficient. So, in this post we’ll take a look at all three phases, and the differences between younger and older children.
Targeting the three phases of activity transitions:
This is the most-often discussed phase. Most of us are pretty aware of how to prepare and prompt a child to make activity transitions. We may give verbal warnings; 5 minutes, 3 minutes, and one-minute out. Or even the more helpful visual timer so the child ‘see’ the time elapse. A child-friendly song or bell that emits when time elapses can help too. Move closer as the time draws closer, so the verbal warnings can be a whisper in their ear as you get ‘softer and closer’.
Even better is a written or visual schedule. This way the child can ‘see’ the next activity that features the child smiling and having fun in the next project. We keep very consistent routines so the next activity is expected and anticipated.
Now it’s time to make the move; what to do? There are any number of options. It may be helpful to use a visual cue such as flickering the lights on-and-off, or an auditory cue like singing the clean-up song. A fun song can play as a further auditory cue (with a brief time of dancing before clean-up and transitioning to the next task). You can ‘prime’ for the next activity by giving the child a fun/enticing item for the next project (while still cleaning up) to reinforce the move.
For example, if the next activity is finger painting, you may show the child the colorful paints that are going to be used, or completed paintings from others. You can even have a child from the finger-painting walk with the child while explaining how much fun it is.
Children also like to help, so have them carry some items that will be needed to complete the next activity. Interestingly, kids seem to like the challenge of carrying heavier or larger objects, so try to incorporate something that is a challenge. We can also make the transition more activity-based. As we move from one activity to another, we see how many times they can bounce a ball on the way to the next activity, or do a hula-hoop, skip, or jump on one leg… anything to make it fun.
If the task is very disliked (homework), you can prime by giving an example of the homework while still ending the prior task. The example homework would show a subject of interest and strength, and the child would be reminded he’ll get a break of 10 minutes to do a favorite activity. If the homework is about sharks, the child can be given a toy shark on the way to the homework table. Children can also be reminded of the importance of earning stickers and what can be purchased with the stickers upon completion of the task.
Phase 3 depends on the activity. If it is potentially equally favored (moving to dinner) then include a favored meal item and have it front-and-center on the table or plate (back to Phase 2: give your child a picture of the favored meal).
If it’s favored to disliked, then that’s a bit more of a challenge. The same steps can be used for Phases 1 and 2, and once the child has encountered the disliked task, make it pleasant as possible. Use your imagination: if it’s homework, break it down into smaller segments and start with the easiest and more fun assignment. If it’s a chore, remind your child of the sticker chart and make it a game; set a timer to see how fast they can get it done compared to you or a sibling. If it’s a series of tasks (getting off to school in the morning) keep it fast-paced, stay close, give lots of kudos, and most importantly remove all distractions.
You may need to deal with a sibling so you can’t always remain in close proximity. In this case, use a recorder (or Alexa) to verbally prompt the child every 30 seconds (“Hi Joey, finish getting dressed…”). A recorder can also be used to provide verbal reinforcement every few minutes (“Joey, keep working on your homework…”).
Some of the above suggestions regarding Phases 1-3 can also pertain to some older children and teens. However, with teens, we tend to rely more on reasoning and negotiating, and natural consequences. In that respect, in this sense, with teens, we’re getting away from dealing directly with ‘transitions’ and simply targeting task completion.
In that respect, a sit-down with the teen, discuss the task(s) that need to be done, negotiate an agreement regarding how and when tasks will be completed, and the natural consequences when they don’t get done. What’s a natural consequence? Any outcome that is a natural outcome of the child’s behavior. For example, speeding results in a ticket, not doing homework results in failing grades (having to repeat), not bringing laundry downstairs results in having no clean clothes… Or, more generally, if the youth does not help out around the house, then you remove your services from them.
Parents often don’t realize how much their teens depend on them, for everything. If your teen is not holding up their end, they can do their own laundry, prepare their own meals (and of course, you’re not going to purchase their favored food and snack items), and find their own transportation, of course they won’t have a phone or video games because how will they pay for them? And you have to buy them clothes, but it’s up to you where you buy them from (Nordstrom or Goodwill?). Your child asks you for something… “So, you want me to drive you to your friend’s house, hmmm, I recall how you responded this morning when I asked you to make your bed…”). May sound tough-love-ish, but those are natural consequences. Their participation in your expectations is a way to help prepare them for adulthood.
It’s vital that your reaction is without any emotion, no pestering, and matter-of-fact. This approach can be used for neuro-diverse teens who are more challenged, as with Level 2 autism, but the ‘natural consequences’ may be more child-oriented and more ‘when/then’ in nature (see below).
Moving from an electronic activity can be difficult at any age. Especially so for older children and teens who become emotional, throw tantrums, or even be combative when told to stop screen time. In these instances, the following is advised and can be used for a child of any age:
A tried-and-true method of compelling compliance to transitioning is the ‘when/then’ approach. This entails calmly and nonchalantly expressing that upon transitioning, ‘when’ a task is done, ‘then’ the child can have access to a given favored activity/item. In this scenario, the time frame may not necessarily be important or enforced. Rather, it's simply a matter of getting a particular task completed before access to another favored activity is granted. I.e: "you have to empty the garbage before you can go be with your friends"… Or, “When you complete your homework, then you can play video games”.
Activity transitions can be difficult and sometimes there is simply no way around the resistance and outburst. You simply compel the issue, ignore it, and carry on. However, the aforementioned tips can possibly remedy the issue, or at least make it less averse and problematic. Feel free to check out more tips at HelpForYourChild.com, where you can also make an appointment. Or, reach out at DrCarosso@aol.com with any questions. God bless.
Re-posted from an article back in 2021, this post recognizes the importance of the role fathers play in a child's development. It has been updated for today.
We all fully recognize the importance of a mom in a child’s life. Indeed, no one can surpass the love, compassion, caring, empathy, and tenderness of a mother. Dads can demonstrate those traits, but not always to the extent of their female counterparts and, one could argue; that’s not what dads are for anyway. It seems clear that when God devised the family, He delineated very special and specific roles for each member that divinely complement one other to provide a child all that’s necessary to grow in a healthy and well-rounded way.
This post is an open letter to all fathers out there. Please share it with your husband - or any male for that matter - to the dads who read these posts: I hope you find it informative. In any case, there are a few things dads need to know, and I aim to tell them. So, here it goes:
I’m not sure you realize just how important you are in your child’s life. The relationship between both parents is very important. You may think your wife picks up the slack, among other things, and that moms are the true nurturing force, and you may be right about that. However, your role is invaluable and irreplaceable.
In fact, your presence in your child’s life makes all the difference in the world for your child. For example, did you know that your engagement in your kid’s life results in your child being more engaged in school (almost 50% more likely to earn better grades and the same percentage less likely to repeat a grade; 60% less likely to get in trouble at school or drop-out, and twice as likely to go to college), are more likely to stay out of trouble (80% less likely to spend time in jail!!!), avoid high-risk behaviors, and to hold off intimacy with the opposite sex (75% less likely to have a teen birth!!).
As if that’s not powerful enough, it goes even further: your presence and attention results in your child having a much greater chance of becoming a successful adult with a better-paying job and healthier relationships. Incredibly, with you being in your child’s life, your kiddo is more likely to have a higher IQ and be emotionally more stable than otherwise. You probably didn’t know that infants with involved fathers have been found to have higher cognitive scores by one year of age than those without their father’s involvement.
That’s not optimal, but clearly, it’s surmountable. Stay engaged with phone calls, letters (the old-fashion handwritten kind), emails, texts, attending games, regular visitation, and balanced custody arrangements. A child simply knowing their dad cares is huge and is super impactful. However, you gotta realize that there is no substitute for your presence; buying gifts simply won’t cut it, and likely will make the situation worse. It’s very simple; your child wants and needs YOU, not stuff.
Your child likely has a mom, and that’s immeasurably important, but you bring some special things to the table. Think about it: without you, how is your son going to know how a man is supposed to act? In the absence of watching how you treat her mother, how will your daughter know how she should be treated by her husband? Yeah, I know, this may sound stereotyped, but is it untrue? Without you, how will a boy learn to be tough and masculine and, at the same time, a gentleman? Of course, kids without fathers figure it out, but it’s not an easy path and doesn’t come as naturally.
What about my daughter, you ask? Well, you’re no less important to her. There is a general sense that a father’s presence is equally important for son and daughter till puberty; thereafter, your presence helps immeasurably to keep your daughter from being sexually active. Girls with dads in their lives have less of an internal drive to act out sexually, have more self-control, and are generally less inclined to become sexually active at an early age. Daughters with attentive dads learn lots of important things including that they don’t need to be sexual to deserve a male’s attention.
Moreover, your daughter sees you respecting her mother and learns how a woman is supposed to be treated in relationships. Your kids learn, directly from you, about dependability, work ethic, how a man is supposed to handle anger and emotions, and how to care for a family. You also have a profound impact on your child’s spiritual life. You are called to reflect God's fatherhood for your child; and to be a model of strength, leadership, love, faithfulness, grace, and mercy. Moreover, your child will follow your spiritual lead in that respect, which further shows the importance of your influence.
Your job as ‘father’ and ‘dad’ is the best and most challenging of positions. It can be daunting, may seem impossible, and you may feel like you’re failing at times, but staying in the game and ‘being there’ is how you win, and how your child wins.
Okay, so what if you’ve been out of your child’s life? That is a difficult situation. Re-engaging with your child is a worthy pursuit, but rebuilding trust is usually a process. There may be multiple barriers to overcome including some legalities. The process usually begins with writing letters, which can be effective. Remember: it’s very comforting for a child to know that their father cares, even if they don’t have contact. However, there are some situations where re-engagement can be counterproductive and even harmful. It’s important to be sensitive to the history between you and your child. If you’re not sure how to proceed, feel free to reach out to me and we can talk: DrCarosso@aol.com.
I hope you find this letter to be heartening and inspiring. As a dad myself, I find it important to be reminded of our God-given role and place within the family, our paramount importance for our kids, and the need to strive to be our very best. I commend you for doing the same, and I wish you the best....
Part of the How We Treat Series; this article talks about the unique challenges related to Adult Autism and the services Community Psychiatric Centers offers to help treat and support it.
There has been a growing challenge in meeting the needs of adults with autism. In that respect, in-home services are available for those with autism, through a service provided by Community Psychiatric Centers called Intensive Behavioral Health Services (IBHS – formerly known as ‘wraparound services’) from early childhood through 21 years of age. However, at 21 years of age and beyond, the service options have been minimal. To that end, Community Psychiatric Centers is positioned to treat adults with autism, through the Adult Autism Waiver. We can provide a host of services to help adults with autism reach their fullest potential.
Autism Spectrum Disorder is categorized based on severity level, with Levels 1, 2, and 3, from mild to more severe, respectively. At Community Psychiatric Centers, our primary focus is the person’s adaptive levels of functioning, specifically in the areas of home living, learning, community use, employment, health and safety, and social activities. As part of our evaluation process, we assess each of these adaptive skills and adjust the treatment plan accordingly.
There is no known cause for autism but many suspicions including genetics and toxins; however, again, such is speculation. You can learn more about Autism and its severity levels here.
Individuals with autism are at risk for other complications and co-occurring conditions. In that respect, individuals with autism may also meet the criteria for Intellectual Disabilities Disorder, or IDD. Moreover, one study found between 73-81% of individuals with autism also met the criteria for a psychiatric disorder.
Our goal is to help individuals with autism reach their fullest potential. We treat those of any age; children and adults. However, specifically for adults with autism, we focus on the aforementioned adaptive skills so that, no matter the level of functioning, each is capable as possible to care for their home and living space, learn from experience, take full advantage of community resources, get and keep a job, maintain health and keep safe, and develop and maintain social pursuits. We work directly with individuals in the home and community to directly meet their individualized needs.
Community Psychiatric Centers is uniquely prepared to address any co-morbid mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, attention problems, or trouble with anger management. A primary aspect of our treatment program is counseling and behavioral support to promote healthy living. This support is provided directly in the home and can transfer to our outpatient clinic program where we can also provide medication management. It’s not uncommon that individuals with autism struggle with loved ones – they don’t always see eye-to-eye in terms of carrying out household duties, maintaining grooming and hygiene, and consequently there may be some trouble getting along - we also address such issues and promote family communication and harmony.
Check out more details of our Adult Autism program at Community Psychiatric Centers. You can also call to make an appointment for an evaluation at (724) 850-7200 or email me at DrCarosso@aol.com and we can work toward establishing a diagnosis and starting services. The same holds true if a diagnosis is already established – call us and we’ll discuss service options including connecting with a Service Coordinator and getting services started.
May God bless you and your family as you pursue services for your loved ones. I hope this post helps in that effort to clarify the resources available for those with autism. We look forward to answering any questions along the way and meeting your family’s needs. Don’t hesitate to call or email.
Part of the How We Treat Series; this chapter dives into the ways CPC supports and treats IDD.
Intellectual Disability is a condition whereby the individual has an overall intellectual quotient (IQ) and adaptive functioning that falls, on standardized and accepted measures, below 70, and such occurred before 18 years of age. These individuals subsequently struggle with reasoning, problem-solving, judgment, academic learning, and learning from experience. Moreover, in terms of deficits in adaptive functioning, some challenges significantly interfere with the individual’s ability to meet developmental and sociocultural norms and standards for independence and taking-on age-appropriate responsibilities.
As would be expected, there are mild, moderate, and severe levels of the disorder. Those within the mild range (obtaining a standard score of 60-69 on intellectual and adaptive measures) can learn basic life skills but simply need more explanation, repetition, and oversight - these individuals can become somewhat independent in life. Those with Moderate to Severe IDD (59 to 50) will need far more support and oversight but can learn to complete simple activities of daily living while those with severe IDD (49 and below) will need close supervision and guidance for the duration of their lives.
Individuals are assessed in terms of home living, learning, community use, employment, health and safety, and social activities. An individual would need to score at a deficit in at least four of these areas to qualify for services.
Any number of factors can cause an individual to experience intellectual and adaptive deficits. In that respect, for example, prenatal exposure to substances (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome), brain infection, traumatic brain injury, maternal infections, hypoxia, or hemorrhage. Genetic factors are also contributory, including Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21), and Fragile X. However, many cases of IDD are of unknown origin.
Individuals with IDD are clearly at-risk for other complications and co-occurring conditions. In that respect, individuals with autism often also meet the criteria for IDD. Moreover, one study found upwards of 57% of individuals with IDD also met the criteria for a mood disorder, anxiety, ADHD, or schizophrenia.
Our goal is to help individuals with intellectual disabilities reach their fullest potential. We treat those of any age; children and adults. We focus on the aforementioned adaptive skills so that, no matter the level of intellect, each is capable as possible to care for their home and living space, learn from experience, take full advantage of community resources, get and keep a job, maintain their health and safety, and develop/maintain social pursuits. Then, we work directly with individuals in the home and community to meet their individualized needs.
Community Psychiatric Centers is uniquely prepared to address any co-morbid mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, attention problems, or trouble with anger management. A primary aspect of the Intellectual Disabilities Disorder treatment program is counseling and behavioral support to promote healthy living. This support is provided directly in the home and can relocate to our outpatient clinic program where we can also provide medication management. It’s not uncommon that individuals with intellectual deficits struggle with loved ones – they don’t always see eye-to-eye in terms of carrying out household duties, maintaining grooming and hygiene, and consequently, there may be some trouble getting along - we also address such issues and promote family communication and harmony.
Check out the details of our IDD program at cpcwecare.com. You can call to make an appointment for an evaluation at (724) 850-7200 or email me at DrCarosso@aol.com. Together, we can work toward establishing a diagnosis and starting services. The same holds true if a diagnosis is already established – call us and we’ll discuss service options including connecting with a Service Coordinator and getting services started.
May God bless you and your family as you pursue services for your loved ones. I hope this post helps in that effort to clarify the resources available for those with Intellectual Disabilities. We look forward to answering any questions along the way and meeting your family’s needs. Don’t hesitate to call or email.
I originally published this post in late 2014; it's one of my favorites and I hope one of yours. I'm reminded daily of the power of family on a child's life, especially that of a mother and father working in tandem. This Valentine's Day, this is a good post in regards to the importance of the mother/father - husband/wife relationship as the foundation of the home, and the springboard for what creates healthy and secure children. The celebration of Valentine's Day serves as a great reminder to foster and bolster that relationship all year round. So, without further ado:
A Dad and his son were fishing in a boat. The son looked toward his Dad and inquired, “Dad, if Mom and I fell out of the boat and were drowning, who would you save first?” His Dad, without hesitating, responded “Son, I’d have your Mother in the boat, and dried off, before I’d even think about coming after you.” The son, astonished, looked with eyes wide and was about to exclaim his disapproval but stopped, appeared contemplative, then grinned and said, “Yea, that’s the way it should be.”
The son came to understand that the strength of the home, the foundation of the family, is Mom and Dad, together in harmony, close in their relationship, working for the family, strong in their bond, and on the same page with the kids. It’s true, there is no stronger glue to hold the family together than when Mom and Dad are secure in their relationship, which helps the kids to also be secure with themselves. Secure kids are far more likely to be calmer, more compliant, and easier in disposition. Of course, we don’t want to interpret the story literally, any number of factors may contribute to the Dad rescuing his son first (his wife is a better swimmer…) but, of course, that’s not the point of the story.
If you’re a single parent, for whatever reason, then you’re undoubtedly doing the best you can, and God bless you in your efforts. The sentiment of this post in no way diminishes your diligence and love for your children or suggests that your child is not healthy and happy. The basis of this story is simply to express the importance of parents remaining strongly committed, and there are advantages of having two loving, committed, and harmonious parents working together with the kids. In a single-parent situation, when possible, it’s optimal that both parents remain highly involved with the children, civil with one another, and work toward having consistent expectations between the homes.
Simple; do whatever you can to maintain the sanctity, security, commitment, closeness, and bond in your marriage. Place your spouse first in your life (well, technically, second to God, but He too understands the importance of two becoming “one”… see Genesis 2:24). Live like it’s you two against the world, and you’ll always be ready for that overboard plunge.
Raising a child with developmental issues, or who is quite strong-willed, can be quite taxing for parents, and it can be difficult to 'stay on the same page' and continue working together in that team-like fashion. If you need some help in that respect, don't hesitate to contact me at DrCarosso@aol.com.
This website functions as a sort of library for all the videos, articles, Quick-Reference Guides, and in-depth eBooks that I have created and collected over the years. Today's post is a mini tour of all the helpful information we have to offer parents and caregivers. Check out the latest helpful parenting resources!
An extension of my regular blog articles, the Parent Resources Page showcases these five categories:
For more than 30 years I've honed my experience as a Clinical Child Psychologist and Certified School Psychologist. In my mission to share my knowledge with the parents and caretakers that I speak to in my practices, I wrote a book to outline and address the five most challenging health conditions that people seek my help for. This page talks more about my book, Managing The 5 Most Challenging Childhood Behavioral Health Conditions Of Our Day, what information it contains, and how to pick up your own copy wherever you live.
Sometimes a subject deserves a more focused article to narrow down the information needed. The Focused Articles Section of the Parent Resources Page highlights some common questions parents have for our treatments and diagnostics.
My EBooks are comprehensive, interactive digital magazines with videos and links. Covering some of the most popular childhood challenge subjects, they are packed into an easy-to-read and share format for your convenience. They are in the blog archives and listed with the blog articles as they are posted, but they also have a handy home on the eBooks Page. Here is the list at this time (more are added regularly):
I like to share my advice and answer questions from the public directly on my professional Facebook Page. It also has daily tips and suggestions about parenting: https://www.facebook.com/dr.johncarosso. Send me a message, and share something you've learned or liked!
If your child struggles with reading, see the Dyslexia Diagnostic & Treatment Center at DyslexiaTreaters.com for our dyslexia resources and online Reading Therapy. Here, you can easily set up an appointment for a diagnosis, learn more about recommended treatment options, and schedule our Reading Therapy sessions from the comfort of your own home.
I trust you'll find these resources to be helpful and informative. Feel free to email me with any questions at DrCarosso@aol.com or call to schedule at (724) 850-7200. May God deeply bless you and your children.
An all-too-common situation (especially since Covid) is a child being reluctant or even refusing to attend school. This post will focus on anxiety-based refusal; the child is refusing to attend school due to genuine anxiety reactions. Consequently, the night before school your child is fretting about the next day, and the mornings are fraught with drama and emotion as you try to convince your child to attend, but he or she continues to resist and present as emotional, maybe even to the point of vomiting.
Does your child complain of stomachaches, headaches, and vague pains, or simply not feeling well especially the morning before school? This is quite common. Anxiety often manifests in somatic complaints that further complicate the situation given you’re not sure if the complaint is genuine or simply to avoid school.
This problem can be seen as simply a manifestation of an anxiety disorder. In that respect, anxiety shows itself in lots of different ways but a primary aspect of anxiety is tendency to avoid that which makes us anxious. In this situation, the prospect of attending school, or leaving home/mom, or both, is causing undue anxiety and panic reactions. People are often genetically predisposed to anxiety.
There are number of steps to address this issue, depending on the age/size of your child and the severity of the problem.
The goal is always to rely on the carrot, rather than the stick. In that respect, we want to rely on praise, rewards, encouragement, and incentives rather than punishments. Consequently, we offer extra rewards for going to school, and often we’ll remove enticing past-times if the child refuses school, such as toys and video games. However, if your child continues to refuse and your child is small and manageable in that respect, you may find it necessary to physically escort or literally carry your child to school. You may want to enlist some help, such as mom and dad working together in that respect, but the message is ‘you’re going to school one way or the other’.
Once your child realizes that their avoidance and emotion is futile, usually you’ll notice improvement and less resistance. If your child refuses to get dressed in the morning, some parents have had success informing their child that they will be taken to school in their pajamas, if that’s necessary, and they can change in the nurse’s office. In that respect, this is a solidly no-nonsense approach to school refusal.
Things get more complicated when your child is larger, and you can't physically escort or carry them into school. It’s advised to utilize counseling, which will be discussed further below. Also, reinforcement for attendance and we also make the home life (during the school day) as boring as possible to entice school attendance. However, what if that doesn’t work?
In these situations, it’s helpful to utilize professional support such as a therapist. At Community Psychiatric Centers, we can utilize outpatient counseling, in home support, and medication management to help the situation. The therapist will work on coping skills, deep breathing, healthy self-talk, and desensitization techniques. The latter involves getting your child out of the house daily and in the presence of others that could include a sport, club, group, church, anywhere there are people. There should not be a day that goes-by that your child is not out of the house.
Even better, play at the school’s park, meet up with friends from your child’s classroom for play dates, and ask for videos or Facetime from his or teacher with enthusiastic and fun messages. Medication can also be considered to reduce anxiety and improve general emotional stability.
Counseling can also take the form of in-home services (IBHS…). This approach can be helpful if the practitioner can come to the home in the morning and assist in getting the child to school. Here at Community Psychiatric Centers, we offer such in-home support, which can be invaluable. The Youth Advocate Program also offers an in-home truancy prevention program that can be worth exploring.
While you’re trying to get your child to school, your child needs to be educated. How will that take place? Often the school district will send home work, which helps to keep up some assignment completion but clearly it’s not a long term solution and does not facilitate your child is not receiving a proper education. Some parents will consider a cyber school, which isn’t necessarily a bad option under the following condition:
An alternative school placement is often considered such as a school-based partial program or alternative school. The idea is that the alternative placement will offer smaller classrooms and more support to help your child feel comfortable. This option has merit and can be quite helpful in the short term! The goal would be to progressively get your child back to regular school. However, what I’ve found, is that we can’t get the child to the alternative school any more than we can get them to regular school.
Managing school-refusal can be quite a challenge. We use multiple strategies, with the ultimate goal of getting the child back to a brick-and-mortar school classroom. Otherwise, we run the risk of the child becoming increasingly anxiety-ridden and house bound. While we’re working on attending a regular school, there is involvement in daily out-of-the-home activities. In the meantime, a cyber school may be attempted, but such would be time limited with a step-by-step approach to a return to regular school. Counseling and medication can be helpful, especially in home support. Alternative school placements can be very effective, if you can get your child to the placement.
Don’t hesitate to email any questions to DrCarosso@aol.com or call for an appointment at (724) 850-7200. God bless you and your kids.
Sharing this post is one of my favorite traditions. This Christmas blog post was first put up on HelpForYourChild.com back in 2012. It has been helping families recognize the role Faith plays in helping families and childhood difficulties.
As a psychologist, I’m expected to talk about traditional and clinically-relevant approaches to help kids, and parents, work through difficulties. This of course would include helping people to think in more reasonable ways (cognitive therapy), behave in ways that are productive and healthy (behavioral approaches), be a good listener (Client-Centered techniques), stay in the moment (Gestalt), incorporate the family (systems approach), and use praise in systematic ways (Applied Behavioral Analysis).
Well, yes there is. Help for your child is sometimes more than just a clinical approach. I’m usually not expected to focus on spirituality but, sometimes, it’s like watching somebody drown and tossing a small life preserver when I have access to a large lifeboat. Don’t get me wrong, the life-preserver is effective but, well, wouldn’t you rather be in a boat?
During Christmas, it's good to remember that God gave His Son not only to rescue us from sin, but also to rescue us from ourselves. And in the process, heal us, soothe us, and relieve us during our times of stress, burden, and strife. Think about it, in Scripture, He’s referred to as our Advocate, the Almighty, All in All, Breath of Life, Comforter, Counselor, Cornerstone, Creator, God Who Sees Me, Goodness, Guide, Hiding Place, Hope, Intercessor, Keeper, Leader, Life, Light of the World, Living Water, Loving Kindness, Maker, Mediator, Our Peace, Physician, Portion, Potter, Teacher, Refuge, Rewarder, Rock, Servant, Shade, Shield, Song, Stone, Stronghold, Strength, Strong Tower, Truth, Wisdom, and Wonderful to cite just a few of His names. Hmmm, I wonder if maybe God is trying to tell us something about turning to Him for help?
Those strategies I cited above (cognitive-behavioral…) are undoubtedly worthwhile and helpful. God gives people like me lots of ways to help and give relief (not to mention that most of those strategies have a basis in Scripture). However, there is something life-changing about tapping directly into the Source (another one of His names, by the way). As a practicing Christian, tapping into that life-changing Source entails following Romans 10:9. Give it a try, what have you got to lose?
This “How We Treat” eBook will target the five most common reasons that parents seek help from me for their children. What are these most common issues? Drum roll please… they are childhood depression, anxiety, autism, ADHD, and explosive outbursts. This series will highlight each of these challenges and provide a parent-friendly description of the condition, its causes, and a step-by-step approach to how it's treated.
I trust you’ll find this eBook to be informative and helpful in managing your child. Feel free to browse more of my posts at HelpForYourChild.com where you can also schedule an appointment, and you can reach out to me for help at DrCarosso@aol.com.
As one would expect given my occupation, I’m often approached by teens and their parents about feelings of depression and anxiety. It’s troubling to see a child or adolescent struggling. But you should know that there are practical and very effective strategies to improve the situation. Chapter One reviews those strategies and provides helpful insights.
In this chapter, I tackle how we treat autism. Autism is a developmental disorder, which is a condition that impacts a child’s ability to achieve and demonstrate developmental milestones and expectations. The cause is unknown, but in this writer’s estimation, it likely has genetic underpinnings.
In Chapter Three, I describe the nature of ADHD, how it’s diagnosed, and how it’s treated. ADHD is considered to be a disorder of the prefrontal cortex and a subsequent deficiency in executive functions. In this respect, the prefrontal cortex of the brain is responsible for vital tasks, including attention, emotional control, working memory, organization, planning, shifting attention, mental flexibility, impulse control, and time management.
One of the foremost concerns expressed by parents is often regarding their child’s emotional sensitivity, overreaction, and subsequent emotional outbursts. It’s troubling to see your child or adolescent struggling. But it’s good to know that there are practical and effective strategies to improve the situation. Chapter Four is a helpful review.
You can read the interactive eBook on my Substack!
For more parenting resources or to set an appointment, check out the Community Psychiatric Centers' website. Please feel free to reach out to me with any questions at DrCarosso@aol.com.
Dr. John Carosso's ebook: ABA in a Parent-Friendly Format.
Dr. John Carosso's ebook: The Steps to Improving Your Child's Behavior
Dr. Carosso’s eBook: The ADHD Diagnosis, Severity Level, and Treatment Options
Dr. Carosso’s eBook: The Most Common Discipline Methods Don’t Work: Here’s Why and How to Make them Work
The holiday season is a time for lots of family and celebrations. It can feel like the modern world emphasizes the excesses of festivities and gifts that often come with those celebrations. In a season where material things are advertised at every turn, how do you provide a balance between helping your children be thankful for what they have, and providing them with that ‘Christmas morning magic’ of a pile of presents? It’s a tough balancing act!
I imagine many of us try to keep that sentiment of thankfulness at the forefront of our minds and would prefer our kids do as well. However, do we find that, at times, our kids don’t seem so thankful? They have less than a strong sense of gratitude. Ironically, the more you do for your kids, the less thankful they may seem.
It’s sort of a trap. We love our kids so much and want them to be happy and content. At the same time, we live in the most prosperous and affluent country in the history of the world, so we have ample opportunity to give our kids lots of stuff.
So what transpires? As we give them more, we find that they tend to expect more. There comes a sense of entitlement and more expectation as opposed to a gracious and genuine “thank you!!”
Yes, it’s true, and clearly evidenced in our daily lives. The more someone gets, often the less gracious they become. Moreover, the lower the expectations to be able to obtain items (don’t have to work for it), the higher a child’s sense of entitlement.
People who feel entitled and come to expect things without a strong sense of gratitude are typically unhappy people. In that respect, gratitude is a barometer for happiness. The more gratitude a person feels in life, the happier they are going to be. It’s hard to be happy when you ‘expect’ more, and aren’t happy with what you already have.
Here are some ideas:
In that respect, we don’t give a child everything for which they ask. Remember the old adage: “give a child everything they need, but very little of what they want.” (who said that?)
This can be through an allowance, and they can save their money. It's worth considering that there are two different sets of chores in any home; those chores that are done because we all live together and have to pitch in to run the household, such as cleaning one’s room, emptying the garbage, running the sweeper… and those chores that may be considered ‘above and beyond’ for which an allowance will be considered: such as raking leaves, pulling weeds, shoveling snow, washing the car, cleaning windows… for younger kids, the list of chores for which an allowance will be allotted may be a bit longer, but as a child gets older, that list will get smaller so it will be harder to earn an allowance. Developing a work ethic is an important life skill.
Local churches have myriad opportunities for this type of service; we can sign up our kids (and we go along) to volunteer at a shelter (with direct parent oversight), at the Goodwill, or go on a mission’s trip. This offers an opportunity to give back, see how good they have it, and see firsthand how others are living. Donating toys/ items that the child has grown out of can be a powerful motivator to keep an uncluttered household, and it helps to cement the idea of helping the less fortunate.
We make sure that, weekly, they write down all the things for which they are grateful. Also, it is good to get them in the habit of writing well-thought-out and gracious thank you cards for any gift they receive. This can start at a very early age, even if they are not yet able to write the cards themselves.
Get your kiddo to church, synagogue, or temple (wherever you worship). at least once if not twice a week. Most churches have a kid’s program that also meets Wednesday evenings). If a church is doing its job, the preacher(s) are teaching about gratitude, thankfulness, self-sacrifice, the 10th Commandment (okay, I’ll give you a hint – that one about not-coveting and, rather, being happy with what God's given you), love, patience, humility, being meek, and caring for others. Can you think of better messages for our children?
Okay, so I know what you’re thinking. It’s too late. Your child is already an over-indulged tyrant who is running the household. Well, even in that seemingly dire situation, it’s not too late. You may need to take it a bit slower, but you can do it!! Follow the pointers above and, slowly but surely, things will begin to change. Your child will not be happy as you begin this process, they will fuss and try to wear you down. If you need help and guidance along the way, and maybe some moral support, that’s what I’m here for (and your local church with help from the Children’s Pastor). If you want to make a change in the direction of enhancing gratitude, you have to start sometime. How about today?
Here is wishing you and yours a relaxing and delightful Holiday Season with your family and friends, and with your ever-increasingly grateful children. For more tips on surviving the challenges that can come up during this time of year, check out my post: Managing the Holiday Season.
😊 God bless you.
