A very popular article here at HelpForYourChild, this article appeared in December of 2021 - and has been updated for this year’s holiday season.
Thanksgiving grocery runs, day trips to visit family, shopping at the mall - the holiday season often includes busy public outings with your child. These can be quite tricky and challenging! Children sometimes find the new environment, whether it be a store or a crowded holiday event, to be overstimulating. They try to carry out the outing ‘on their terms’ rather than on yours. However, if you make a plan in advance, there are some strategies to improve the situation and plan successful outings.
7 Tips for Successful Outings:
1. Start Small:
Just like anything else, behavior in public is a skill that is learned over time. Role-play at home (set up a mock store or restaurant). Start with short stints, then increase exposure. Quick daily outings (in and out, but longer over time) are better at first. For example a brief trip to a local deli, then to a restaurant…
2. Agree on ‘Rules’ Before Leaving:
Outline an explanation of where you are going, expectations for behavior, and the rewards/consequences if things go well, or not so well. Make sure your child understands what your (achievable) expectations are.
3. Make the Schedule Clear:
What will happen during the trip, where you’ll be going, what they will do (park, walk, go to a particular store, ride in a cart, take a snack break, meet new people…) and how long it will take? Show photos ahead of time of where you’re going, if possible. Remind them of what part you are at during the excursion, and what comes next. A picture schedule can be very helpful.
4. Provide Simple Directions on How to Behave Well:
Holding an adult’s hand, staying close, etc. Frequently tell them how they’re doing and offer tons of praise and give little tokens for good behavior whenever you see good behavior, or every so often during the outing. They can trade in the tokens for desired items.
5. Get Your Child Involved
Ask questions! If shopping, your child can help find items – keep them occupied. You can even give them money to make purchases. Bring along their favorite toys, food, or familiar item. Have them help plan out the day with you when you put together the outing. Develop ‘Social Stories’ about public outings, and encourage your child’s involvement with that process.
6. Steer Clear of Conflicts
Limit how often, length, and where you shop depending on your child’s tolerance level. Keep trips short, take breaks, and use a stroller. Make sure they are not tired or hungry (either of you). Be careful of your attitude and fatigue (keep upbeat and happy). Take along a wishlist: if he sees something he can’t have, add it to the wishlist. Share your child's enthusiasm for desired items. Try to avoid tempting places, or keep those places at small doses.
7. The Best-Laid Plans…
Sometimes, even with all the preparation, difficulties are unavoidable. It can feel frustrating, especially if the outings are somewhere with challenging distractions. Visit at off-hours (6 to 7 PM or early in the AM, or early in the week). Know the store/destination layout in advance (bathrooms, exit, food, water fountain, babysitting, fire extinguishers (that was a joke)…). If possible, have another adult with you, especially if taking multiple kiddos. In certain situations, you can ask a psychologist to prescribe accommodations at a holiday event or similar destination.
Reducing Overstimulation on Your Trips
Many children find busy stores to be exciting, if not overstimulating. And neurodivergent children can struggle even more so. Here are some things to think about if your child tends to get overwhelmed in some environments:
- Some places are simply too stimulating for some children (the Mall in December…)
- Physical overstimulation of crowds: brushing and compression. Avoid long lines, large crowds, and noisy environments
- Take breaks or do shorter stints
- Noise-Reducing headphones may help
- Redirect to details (refocusing on specific items or areas of the store helps to squelch a child feeling overwhelmed by the surroundings)
- Deep breaths; count to ten
- Don’t push the limits. At times it’s best to simply not take your child
Watch Out for Problem Behaviors
Problem behaviors can be a form of communication. Note the triggers, problem areas, and anything that makes it predictable. If you can predict it, you can prevent it! Some issues to look out for are boredom, overstimulation, hunger, and fatigue (it’s tough for those little legs to keep up).
Managing Successful Outings: Behavioral Approaches
Behavior management is the key; remain consistent and remember that what works at home, will often work in public as well. Try to be consistent with behavior management in all settings (between home, school, and community). Reinforce good behavior (you get what you praise, and be specific in that praise). When misbehavior occurs, intervene and make eye contact as soon as it happens, and then redirect to replacement behavior. Use time-outs in the store, or take a break outside. Avoid losing your cool. A time-out does not need to be a “punishment” but, rather a quiet moment outside the store to calm down.
Distract and Redirect
Here are some tricks to effectively redirect your child to what you want him/her to do, rather than what you don’t want:
- Tell them what to do, not what not to do
- 1-2-3 Magic
- Have a plan ahead of time, and always have a Plan B!
- Remove your child to a private place to discipline
- Give choices (stand beside me or stop at the end of the aisle)
- Get eye contact before giving a direction
- Make a game of shopping (What item is in the yellow box?; I spy)
Stores are like oversized classrooms that just happen to sell things. Make a trip a learning opportunity. This strategy also helps to keep the child busy and keeps their attention. Here are some ways to use that learning enthusiasm as a way to engage your child:
- Count the number of items you need
- Find the items based on color or size
- Make a list at home, and have the child help find the items
- Name everything in the cart, how they can be used, where they came from
- Use all senses; notice smells, texture, and differences in color
- Older children can help with checkout, request paper or plastic, give coupons…
Dealing with Other’s Judgements
Sometimes, when you are in a public place with your child, people find it necessary to put in their ‘two cents’; especially if your child has a learning or behavioral difficulty. Here are some ways to deal with that frustration:
- Autism Awareness Cards (explains autism and how to be supportive)
- “My child is autistic, what’s your problem?”
- T-shirt: I have autism; be nice to my Mom
- Find some merit in their complaint (child making noise in a restaurant…)
- Keep it in perspective (all kids freak out sometimes in stores; it’s kinda funny sometimes)
- Simply ignore them
Safety First on Holiday Outings
It’s important to stay safe while having fun excursions together. It’s important to remember snacks and warm clothing, but what else? You should never leave your child alone unsupervised in a car. Keep your child close (hold hands, or steer the cart, or hang onto the cart). You might consider a name tag if your child has trouble communicating, and practice a plan in case you get separated. Some parents have had success using a harness and tethering device (“leash”) that can be used in more extreme situations where safety is an issue. However, it is important to ‘phase’ out the leash for increasing periods while using high levels of positive reinforcement. If possible, it might be beneficial to have a Service K-9 for a child who needs that additional support.
I hope these tips prove to be helpful and keep your outings merry this holiday season. If you would like to schedule an appointment or would like to know more about all our services, please visit http://cpcwecare.com/. Happy Holidays!