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Written by Dr. John Carosso
The parent’s balancing act
As parents, we want give our kids lots of kudos and praise, but we also want to be realistic and help our children to have an accurate self-appraisal so, ten years from now, they don’t end-up on American Idol making a fool of themselves because they think they have a particular talent when they don’t.
Best picture you’ve ever seen…?
So your child proudly shows you a picture and is seeking your feedback. You notice that the picture is ‘okay’; no work of art compared to what other kids his or her age would produce. You could say that this is the best picture you’ve ever seen and you love it but, if you keep that up, you’re looking at a future American Idol moment.
What to do instead
You can, and should, always find something positive to enthusiastically praise. It may be the bright blue sky in the picture, or a cute smiley face in the sun. It may be the obvious effort your child put into making the picture (you can, and should, always praise effort, no matter the outcome). You can also praise your child for even minor progress in any one step along the way of completing or mastering a task. No matter the need for improvement, you’re going to give tons of praise for that small improvement. Always find something to praise before offering ‘constructive criticism’. In fact, give at least 5 praises for each constructive criticism.
The power of words
It’s vital to be affirming, positive, enthusiastic, and praising in our comments to our kids. See my prior post ‘The Recipe for Ruining a Perfectly Good Kid’ for more on how our words can damage. However, we’re going to avoid that by always finding something to praise before we critique, and giving lots of kuddos for effort. This way, you can be guaranteed to bolster, not deflate, your child’s self-esteem. God bless.
Dr. C's Morning Minute
View Dr. C's Morning Minute Video 'Bolstering Your Child’s Self-Esteem: Part IV, The Words We Use' for more information about this topic by clicking here.
See more of Dr. C's Morning Minute on our Video Blog Page
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Written by Dr. John Carosso
Gotta earn it: the power
The fact is that, for the most part, self-esteem cannot be given, it has to be earned. We earn a positive feeling about ourselves largely because we have accomplished meaningful things over the course of any given day or week. What is “meaningful”?; well, our kids and I often intuitively know the answer to that question. Playing video games all day and reaching level 10 is an accomplishment, but kids and parents alike know that it’s not an especially meaningful achievement.
The process is as important as the outcome
Consequently, we emphasize achievement, even the process of working toward achievement, every chance we get. We want our kids to know, in no uncertain terms, that life is about completing certain tasks, doing them well, and feeling good about it. This could mean getting ready for school, doing homework, raking the leaves, throwing a baseball with better mechanics, or helping a friend with a chore. The process is just as important as the outcome; working hard to achieve a goal, even if your child faces “failures” along the way, is what it’s all about (they won’t see it that way, but you can help them to see it that way).
Strengths, passions, and aspirations
Discover your child’s interests, passions, strengths, and aspirations, then go to work! Get them involved in clubs, activities, sports, and/or working directly with you in working toward building on those strengths. It’s vital that even the smallest improvement or accomplishment is seen for what it is; a super important achievement.
Bolstering self-esteem bolsters self-confidence
The idea is that your child, at bedtime, can look back on his or her day and see what has been accomplished, and feel proud and good about themselves. This is how our kids grow not only in self-esteem, but in self-confidence to take-on ever-increasing challenges in the years ahead.
Hope that helps to highlight the importance of achievement in the development of self-esteem and self-confidence. God bless.
Dr. C's Morning Minute
View Dr. C's Morning Minute Video 'Bolstering Your Child’s Self-Esteem: Part III, The Power of Achievement' for more information about this topic by clicking here.
See more of Dr. C's Morning Minute on our Video Blog Page
Written by Dr. John Carosso
Where we left off
We had discussed, in Part I, the importance of your child’s relationship with God in enhancing his or her self-esteem. Next we move-on to the most important person in your child’s life.
So, who is that most important person?
Well, it’s you. Yes, go figure; you’re far and away the most important person in your child’s life. No one else even comes close.
Birds of feather…
We often hear the term ‘birds of a feather flock together’ and we know what it means. However, I’m using it a bit differently here. We can gain prestige via with whom we associate. If your child perceives you as super-valuable and esteemed, and you’re taking time out of your busy schedule to hang-out with him or her, then what does that say about him or her?
Take the time
Spending time with your child, whether teaching how to better-throw a ball, helping to get dressed in the morning, playing a board-game, or just going for a walk is like a fuel-tank pouring gasoline, under high pressure, into your child’s esteem-tank. Even better, it makes you feel pretty good too. God bless.
Two more to go
That’s the second of the four keys to enhancing self-esteem. Two more to go!
Dr. C's Morning Minute
View Dr. C's Morning Minute Video 'Bolstering Your Child’s Self-Esteem: Part II, Relationship with You' for more information about this topic by clicking here.
See more of Dr. C's Morning Minute on our Video Blog Page
