Disciplining children is one of the most challenging yet essential aspects of parenting. It’s about guiding children to understand boundaries, responsibility, and acceptable behavior. Common discipline approaches include trying to reason with the child (works wonderfully if your child is reasonable), and yelling at the kiddo (not advised). The two other most common methods parents use are taking away privileges and implementing time-outs. Both approaches have their strengths and weaknesses, and the key to success often lies in knowing when and how to use them.
This method involves temporarily removing something the child values, such as screen time, toys, or extracurricular activities, as a consequence of undesirable behavior.
A time-out involves removing the child from the situation for a short period, giving them a chance to calm down and reflect on their actions.
The effectiveness of either method depends on several factors, including the child’s age, temperament, and the specific behavior being addressed. Here are some tips for using these methods effectively:
Check out my eBook, “The Most Common Discipline Methods Don’t Work: Here’s Why and How to Make Them Work", which takes on this topic in a far more detailed manner. In the meantime, which approach do I think is better? Well, here’s what I’ve found: for kids 3-12 years of age, there is no better method of discipline than time-out to their room. I’ve found that upon removing privileges, the child simply finds something else to do. However, by the same token, it all depends on the kiddo - both taking away privileges and time-out can be effective tools for discipline when used thoughtfully and sparingly. The ultimate goal is not just to correct behavior but to guide children toward understanding the impact of their actions and making better choices in the future. By approaching discipline with empathy, consistency, and a focus on teaching, parents can foster a positive and respectful environment for their children to thrive. Hope you’ve found this post to be helpful – God bless.
This Christmas blog post was first put up on HelpForYourChild.com back in 2012. It has been helping families recognize the role Faith plays in helping families with childhood difficulties, and it is one of my favorite Christmas traditions. In 2023, I expanded upon this classic article, starting with the section titled "Christmas Bonus Post: What Makes Christmas so Special?"
As a psychologist, I’m expected to talk about traditional and clinically relevant approaches to help kids, and parents, work through difficulties. This of course would include helping people to think in more reasonable ways (cognitive therapy), behave in ways that are productive and healthy (behavioral approaches), be a good listener (client-centered techniques), stay in the moment (Gestalt), incorporate the family (systems approach), and use praise in systematic ways (Applied Behavioral Analysis).
Well, yes there is. Help for your child is sometimes more than just a clinical approach. I’m usually not expected to focus on spirituality but, sometimes, it’s like watching somebody drown and tossing a small life preserver when I have access to a large lifeboat. Don’t get me wrong, the life-preserver is effective but, well, wouldn’t you rather be in a boat?
During Christmas, it's good to remember that God gave His Son not only to rescue us from sin, but also to rescue us from ourselves. And in the process, heal us, soothe us, and relieve us during our times of stress, burden, and strife. Think about it, in Scripture, He’s referred to as our Advocate, the Almighty, All in All, Breath of Life, Comforter, Counselor, Cornerstone, Creator, God Who Sees Me, Goodness, Guide, Hiding Place, Hope, Intercessor, Keeper, Leader, Life, Light of the World, Living Water, Loving Kindness, Maker, Mediator, Our Peace, Physician, Portion, Potter, Teacher, Refuge, Rewarder, Rock, Servant, Shade, Shield, Song, Stone, Stronghold, Strength, Strong Tower, Truth, Wisdom, and Wonderful to cite just a few of His names. Hmmm, I wonder if maybe God is trying to tell us something about turning to Him for help?
Those strategies I cited above (cognitive-behavioral…) are undoubtedly worthwhile and helpful. God gives people like me lots of ways to help and give relief (not to mention that most of those strategies have a basis in Scripture). However, there is something life-changing about tapping directly into the Source (another one of His names, by the way). As a practicing Christian, tapping into that life-changing Source entails following Romans 10:9. Give it a try, what have you got to lose?
Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus, and the beginning of what has become known as “Christianity”.
To suggest that the ‘Christian’ movement has been impactful would be an understatement; however, detractors remain. There have always been questions about veracity, reliability, and authenticity.
This post will address those questions.
Since the beginning of time, dating back to Aristotle, people have asked deep philosophical questions about the meaning of life. Clearly, these questions are worthwhile, however, before we can answer the loftier philosophical questions, there are foundational questions that first need answered. The answers to these basic questions lay the foundation for subsequent philosophical inquiry. In fact, one could argue that the loftier philosophical questions are moot until these basic questions are answered, such as:
Who created the universe? It can be legitimately argued that something cannot come from nothing.
Did “God” create the universe and therefore, in doing so, create our current existence and reality?
Do we exist subsequent to evolution (by chance), or at the intentional hand of God?
There is, in fact, overwhelming evidence for God and Intelligent Design. Among a litany of other questions including the origins of the Big Bang, secularists still need to answer who wrote all the complex and voluminous ‘code’ (DNA) that’s in every cell of every living organism directing the cell on precisely what to do.
If there is a God, and He created everything, then is it not logical that He is the authority of the nature of our reality and existence.
If God Created the Universe and is authoritative, how does He speak to us, and can we trust that it’s true and accurate?
Does God inform us – does He tell us what He wants us to know about our reality and existence? If so, how does He inform us? In what ways? Are these ways authoritative, convincing, and based on clear evidence as opposed to relying on ‘blind faith’?
God speaks to us through His creation – this fact is rather self-evident, or at least it was until evolution muddied the waters.
It could be argued that the world, universe, earth, people, organisms, plants, and formations… are beyond compare and breathtakingly complex. The entire eco-system is inter-connected and exquisitely balanced. Creation is beyond our understanding and, as it’s clearly indicated in the Bible, He intended that we would be in awe of Him with every glance at what He created.
The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies declare the work of His hands, day after day they pour forth speech, night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard, their voice is heard through all the earth, their words to the end of the world. Psalm 19:1
From the beginning of creation, God’s eternal power and divine nature, though invisible, has been understood and known by the things He has created. Therefore, they are without excuse (for not believing). Romans 1:20
God communicates with us through his creation. He also communicates with us through His Word
God provided us a clear and concise owner’s manual and an understanding of our history and our future – through the Bible. Take time to read the Bible, and see for yourself.
All Christian denominations acknowledge the same 66 Books of the Bible. Remarkable, these 66 books were written over thousands of years, by over 40 writers of at least three different languages, spread over three different continents, yet the Bible is inextricably interwoven to tell ONE coherent, logical, inerrant description of God and His personality, His people, what He wants for and from us, and His plans for us. The Bible has many writers, but only one Author.
It’s also important to appreciate how wonderfully and powerfully the Bible is written – its phrasing is beautiful and poetic, and the most complex spiritual and philosophical concepts are clearly explained by people who were not exactly trained in writing and literature. For example,
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God, He was with God from the beginning. Through Him all things were made, without Him nothing has been made that has been made. In Him is life, and that life is the light of man. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. There came a man sent from God, whose name was John (the Baptist), he himself was not the light, he came only as a witness to the light. The true light, the light of every man, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. But to everyone who did receive Him, whomever believed in his name, He gave the right to be called children of God; children born not of natural descent, or human decision, or a husband’s will, but born of God. The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father’s side, has made Him known.
The Bible is derided by some as unsubstantiated fiction, however, there are over 24,000 early manuscripts of the Bible dating to within 100 years of Christ’s death. By comparison, the works of Homer, Ceasar, Plato, Tacitus, Thucydides, Herodotus, and many other ancients are often accepted as truth in secular culture and are taught in school. However, there are only 7 copies of Plato’s work from 1,300 years after his death; Ceasar – 1000 years and only 10 copies; Aristotle 1,400 years after his death and only 49 copies; Homer – 500 years with 643 copies; Thucydides 1.300 years and 8 copies… there is really no comparison. It is clear that the Bible is accurate, true, and authentic dating back to the original text.
Between His creation and His Word, God made it crystal clear that He is God, that He is real, and that we can know Him.
But He did not stop there.
No other theological book has such prophecy to back up its authenticity.
There are about 2,500 prophecies in the Bible, and about 2000 have already been fulfilled to the letter. The remaining 500 are regarding our future, and we can rest-assured Jesus is coming back to fulfill those as well.
The odds of these prophesies having been fulfilled by chance without error is less than one in 10 to the 2000th power (1 with 2000 zero’s after it).
Look to Genesis, Exodus, Daniel, Isaiah, Jeremiah, books of Kings and Second Kings, actually, it’s hard to find a book in the Bible that does not have prophecy, and they all came to pass. There are also prophecies fulfilled in the New Testament – Jesus fulfilled hundreds of Old Testament prophecies and He also made many others – too many to recount here in this post.
No other religion has such compelling evidence – how can all these prophecies be explained except that they came directly from a God who wants us to know, without a shadow of doubt, that He is real - wants us to know about Him and that He wants to engage with us if only we’ll open the door to Him.
God makes Himself ‘real’ in our lives through the Holy Spirit; by adopting us, being our Father and friend, and changing our lives.
The testimony of changed lives
It’s difficult for unbelievers to understand this concept of the Holy Spirt and His impact on our daily life – it’s like trying to explain the breathing of air to a fish, which is sad because this ‘breath of life’ is beyond compare and there is nothing as powerful, satisfying, rewarding, or convincing as the Holy Spirit directly impacting one’s life. There is no mistaking or denying the presence of the Holy Spirit that is without compare and life-changing.
For the message of the cross [the Gospel] is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God
1 Corinthians 1:18
God changes lives - there are countless Christians who testify that their relationship with Jesus changed their life, delivered them from sin and any number of addictions, changed and renewed their mind, and opened their eyes to a new spiritual reality. Christians describe their experience and world as unequivocally ‘different’ after encountering Christ - not perfect, but getting better and different from the old self. Sometimes that ‘difference’ is extraordinarily, sometimes more subtle, but always there is a change.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17
Judeo-Christian teachings, values, and tenets shaped and guided Western culture and civilization as we know it today. We take-for-granted our God-given freedoms, rights, and civil-liberties that have changed the course of human history. The Declaration of Independence, our Constitution, and capitalism - all driven by Judeo-Christian concepts and teachings; and our very concept of morality – what is right and wrong, comes from the Bible - how else do we genuinely know what’s ‘right’ unless God tells us; otherwise, it’s only opinion. Also, our concepts of marriage, the family, respect for women, racial equality and equal treatment for all – come from the Bible. The abolishing of slavery was spear-headed through the work of Christians (the abolitionist movement was largely a Christian movement and churches often served as hiding spots that made-up the Underground Railroad). Our justice system and due process is based on the Bible, as-is our current hospital and university system (most hospitals were started by churches and many of our top universities began as seminaries). Our current foster and adoptive care system is based on the work of the church. In fact, the concept of a middle-class work-force is based in Christianity; prior, there was only the very rich, very poor, and slaves and that model, by the way, continues to exist in most of the non-Christian world. What about respect and care for children – yep, a Biblical standard. Moreover, the world’s greatest artists, musicians, writers, and architects all claim their work as inspired by God. Moreover, the greatest scientists were inspired by God and His creation. Not to mention that most charity work is Christian-based. Finally, of course, no one has sacrificed more, and changed more lives for the better than Jesus Christ.
Those are just a few things that make Christmas so special. He came humbly to this earth as a baby in a manger, but no one has so dramatically changed lives and changed the world. He left us with His Spirit and His church; and His Word has been shown to be true and authentic. So, in the light of this glorious Christmas Spirit, I wish you the happiest and merriest Christmas season, and that you and yours would not only know about Him, but personally come to know the one whose birth we celebrate - all you have to do is ask.
“When you come looking for me, you will find me”
-Jeremiah 29:13
Merry Christmas.
This classic holiday article shares timeless tips and observations about encouraging a sense of gratitude and thankfulness in children, teens, and young adults. It has been updated for 2024.
The holiday season is a time for lots of family and celebrations. It can feel like the modern world emphasizes the excesses of festivities and gifts that often come with those celebrations. In a season where material things are advertised at every turn, how do you provide a balance between helping your children be thankful for what they have, and providing them with that ‘Christmas morning magic’ of a pile of presents? It’s a tough balancing act!
I imagine many of us try to keep that sentiment of thankfulness at the forefront of our minds and would prefer our kids do as well. However, do we find that, at times, our kids don’t seem so thankful? They can have a weak sense of gratitude because gratitude is not always something young children inherently experience. Ironically, the more you do for your kids, the less thankful they may seem.
It’s sort of a trap. We love our kids so much and want them to be happy and content. At the same time, we live in the most prosperous and affluent country in the history of the world, so we have ample opportunity to give our kids lots of stuff.
So what transpires? As we give them more, we find that they tend to expect more. There comes a sense of entitlement and more expectation as opposed to a gracious and genuine “thank you!!”
Yes, it’s true, and clearly evidenced in our daily lives. The more someone gets, often the less gracious they become. Moreover, the lower the expectations to be able to obtain items (don’t have to work for it), the higher a child’s sense of entitlement.
People who feel entitled and come to expect things without a strong sense of gratitude are typically unhappy people. In that respect, gratitude is a barometer for happiness. The more gratitude a person feels in life, the happier they are going to be. It’s hard to be happy when you ‘expect’ more, and aren’t happy with what you already have. Unfortunately, being a dependable and loving parent to your child can make something they would naturally be thankful for seem more like an expectation. So, what do we do to keep that thankful feeling?
Practice makes perfect: this can be true for feelings as well as any physical task. Sometimes to feel thankful about something, you need to acknowledge all the things you have. Here are some ideas:
We don’t give a child everything they ask for. Remember the old adage: “give a child everything they need, but very little of what they want.”
This can be through an allowance, and they can save their money. It's worth considering that there are two different sets of chores in any home; chores are important because we all live together and have to pitch in to run the household, such as cleaning one’s room, emptying the garbage, running the sweeper… and those chores that may be considered ‘above and beyond’ for which an allowance will be considered: such as raking leaves, pulling weeds, shoveling snow, washing the car, cleaning windows… for younger kids, the list of chores for which an allowance will be allotted may be a bit longer, but as a child gets older, that list will get smaller so it will be harder to earn an allowance. Developing a work ethic is an important life skill.
Local churches have myriad opportunities for this type of service; we can sign up our kids (and we go along) to volunteer at a shelter (with direct parent oversight), at the Goodwill, or go on a mission trip. This offers an opportunity to give back, see how good they have it, and see firsthand how others are living. Donating toys/ items that the child has grown out of can be a powerful motivator to keep an uncluttered household, and it helps to cement the idea of helping the less fortunate. It is especially beneficial to do this around this time of year to clear out older toys and clothes while also making them available for those who need them in time for the holidays.
We make sure that, weekly, they write down all the things for which they are grateful. Also, it is good to get them in the habit of writing well-thought-out and gracious thank you cards for any gift they receive. This can start at a very early age, even if they are not yet able to write the cards themselves.
Get your kiddo to church, synagogue, or temple (wherever you worship). at least once if not twice a week. Most churches have a kid’s program that also meets Wednesday evenings). If a church is doing its job, the preacher(s) are teaching about gratitude, thankfulness, self-sacrifice, the 10th Commandment (okay, I’ll give you a hint – that one about not-coveting and, rather, being happy with what God's given you), love, patience, humility, being meek, and caring for others. Can you think of better messages for our children?
Okay, so I know what you’re thinking. It’s too late. Your child is already an over-indulged tyrant who is running the household. Well, even in that seemingly dire situation, it’s not too late. You may need to take it a bit slower, but you can do it!! Follow the pointers above and, slowly but surely, things will begin to change. Your child will not be happy as you begin this process, they will fuss and try to wear you down. If you need help and guidance along the way, and maybe some moral support, that’s what I’m here for (and your local church with help from the Children’s Pastor). If you want to make a change in the direction of enhancing gratitude, you have to start sometime. How about today?
Here is wishing you and yours a relaxing and delightful Holiday Season with your family and friends, and with your ever-increasingly grateful children. For more tips on surviving the challenges that can come up during this time of year, check out my post: Managing the Holiday Season.
😊 God bless you.
When a child with autism has difficulties with eating, it can be due to a variety of reasons, including sensory sensitivities, routine rigidity, or difficulties with new textures and tastes. Addressing these eating challenges requires patience and strategic approaches. Today I share some tips for helping a child with autism who won't eat, as well as some ways a professional might help, and some easy recipes.
Children with autism often have sensory processing challenges that affect how they perceive food. Certain textures, smells, or even the appearance of food can be overwhelming.
A calm and predictable eating environment can help reduce stress and encourage eating.
The sensory experience isn’t just about the food—it includes how it’s presented and eaten.
Children with autism may be resistant to change and new foods can be intimidating.
Forcing a child to eat or making mealtime stressful can increase food aversions.
Getting a child involved in preparing their meals can encourage interest in trying new foods.
Sometimes it isn't the food that is the issue. Some children with autism may have challenges with the physical process of eating, such as chewing or swallowing.
Visual schedules and cues can help children with autism understand what to expect during mealtimes.
Change takes time, especially for children with autism. Celebrate any progress, no matter how small.
If eating issues are persistent and significantly impact the child's nutrition or health, consulting with professionals like pediatricians, dietitians, or feeding therapists is essential. Don't be afraid to reach out for help when things get tough.
Helping a child with autism who won’t eat because of sensory sensitivities can be challenging, but with the right strategies and patience, progress is possible. Understanding their sensory needs, keeping mealtimes stress-free, and gradually introducing new foods are all important steps. Don’t hesitate to reach out for guidance at DrCarosso@aol.com or on Facebook. Or check out some additional reading about how we treat Autism.
Sometimes, you need to enlist a professional to make sure you are meeting your child where they are ability-wise. Here are some detailed strategies and recipe ideas tailored for children with autism who have sensory sensitivities or feeding challenges:
Therapy 1: Feeding Therapy with Occupational or Speech Therapists.
Feeding therapy is designed to help children who struggle with eating due to sensory, motor, or behavioral challenges. Therapists use techniques that target the underlying issues, such as desensitizing oral sensitivities or improving motor skills. These techniques are similar to the tips I shared earlier, because they have a history of success regardless of who implements them. Some techniques the therapist might suggest include:
Therapy 2: Behavioral Therapy
Behavioral interventions can help address food aversions and refusal. Techniques include:
Getting your child to eat well is a challenge for all parents. Here are some simple recipes that can help round out your child's nutrition while also incorporating some of the tips I shared for children with Autism who may have food aversions.
Smoothies can be a great way to pack nutrients into a sensory-friendly form. You can adjust the consistency to suit your child’s preferences.
Smoothie Bowl Basic Recipe:
Ingredients: 1 banana, 1/2 cup frozen berries, 1/4 cup spinach, 1/2 cup almond milk or yogurt, and a touch of honey (optional).
Instructions: Blend until smooth. Serve with a spoon and allow your child to choose a few toppings like sliced fruit or granola to make it interactive.
Sensory Tip: Adjust the thickness by adding more milk for a thinner texture or more yogurt for a thicker consistency.
It is not uncommon for kiddos with Autism to be attracted to processed foods that have a consistent taste and predictable texture. Homemade chicken nuggets are perfect for kids who prefer familiar, crispy textures but may benefit from healthier homemade versions.
Homemade Chicken Nuggets Recipe:
Ingredients:
1 pound chicken breast, cut into small pieces
1 cup crushed cornflakes or breadcrumbs
1/2 cup gluten-free flour (if needed)
2 eggs, beaten
Salt and mild seasoning to taste
Instructions:
Preheat the oven to 400°F (200°C).
Dip each chicken piece in flour, then the beaten egg, and finally coat with cornflakes or breadcrumbs.
Place on a baking tray and bake for 15–20 minutes until golden and cooked through.
Sensory Tip: Let the child touch or help coat the nuggets to become familiar with the texture before eating.
Sometimes it's about packaging unfamiliar things in a familiar form. For kids who prefer crunchy textures, veggie chips can be an excellent alternative to standard potato chips.
Rainbow Veggie Chips Recipe:
Ingredients: Thinly sliced sweet potatoes, beets, and zucchini, Olive oil, Salt or mild seasoning
Instructions:
Preheat the oven to 375°F (190°C).
Toss the slices with a small amount of olive oil and arrange them on a baking tray in a single layer.
Bake for 15–20 minutes, flipping halfway through, until crispy.
Sensory Tip: Try different veggie types for various colors and tastes. Allow your child to help choose which veggie slices to bake.
Pizza can be a well-loved childhood staple. DIY Mini Pizzas Pizzas can be customized with toppings and textures that your child is comfortable with, allowing them to experiment at their own pace.
DIY Mini Pizza Recipe:
Ingredients:
Pre-made mini pizza crusts or gluten-free alternatives, Tomato sauce, Shredded mozzarella cheese, Toppings of choice (e.g., bell peppers, pepperoni, olives)
Instructions:
Preheat the oven to 400°F (200°C).
Spread tomato sauce on the crusts, sprinkle cheese, and add chosen toppings.
Bake for 8–10 minutes or until cheese is melted.
Sensory Tip: Allow your child to create their own pizza. Even touching or smelling the ingredients without eating them can help desensitize sensory sensitivities over time.
Sometimes, something simple that resembles a "treat" will get the best traction for new experiences. Popsicles are great for introducing new flavors in a cold, smooth format that many children with sensory challenges find enjoyable.
Fruit and Veggie Popsicles:
Ingredients:
1/2 cup pureed fruit (mango, strawberry, or banana)
1/2 cup vegetable juice (e.g., carrot or spinach juice, if tolerated)
1/4 cup yogurt or coconut milk
Instructions:
Blend all ingredients together until smooth.
Pour into popsicle molds and freeze for at least 4 hours.
Sensory Tip: Start with familiar fruits and gradually add small amounts of vegetable puree to introduce new tastes.
Some last parting tips to help any picky eater, but especially a child with Autism who may struggle with sensory eating issues.:
Making friends can be challenging for any child, but for children with ADHD, forming and maintaining friendships can present unique obstacles. ADHD affects a child’s attention, impulse control, and emotional regulation—all of which play crucial roles in social interactions. However, with the right support and strategies, children with ADHD can learn to build meaningful, lasting friendships. In this post, I'll be exploring common challenges and effective ways to help children with ADHD develop their social skills.
Similarly to children with Autism, children with ADHD may experience difficulty making friends due to various aspects of their condition, including:
These traits can make it harder for children with ADHD to connect with peers. However, parents can play a key role in helping them develop the skills needed to make friends.
Parents and caregivers of children with ADHD can help! Here are six tips to assist and support your child with building their social skills, and making connections and friendships with others.
If your child is still struggling to make friends despite your efforts, it may be worth exploring social skills groups or therapy. You can feel free to email me at DrCarosso@aol.com, or call us at Community Psychiatric Centers at (724) 850-7200 to make an appointment for therapy. We offer social skills training specifically designed for children with ADHD. In addition, ADHD social groups can be especially effective, as they allow children to practice in a safe, supportive setting with guidance from professionals.
Recess is often less structured than classroom time, which can be both exciting and overwhelming for children with ADHD. Here are some strategies to help children develop their social skills during these free periods:
Friendships are essential for a child’s growth and happiness, but children with ADHD often need extra support in building and maintaining relationships. By providing the right tools and encouragement, parents can help children with ADHD overcome social challenges and enjoy the benefits of friendship. With time, patience, and support, these children can develop the skills needed to create meaningful connections that enrich their lives. God bless you and your kiddo's as they work toward this very important goal of developing meaningful friendships. Don't hesitate to reach out for help along the way, at DrCarosso@aol.com or on Facebook.
Making friends can be challenging for many kids, and for children with autism, social connections may feel especially difficult. Children with autism often face unique challenges in socializing due to difficulty with communication, social cues, and sensory sensitivities. However, with understanding, patience, and support, they can build meaningful relationships that enhance their quality of life. Here are 8 practical strategies for helping children with autism develop friendships and navigate social interactions.
To effectively support a child with autism in making friends, it's important to understand the common social challenges these kiddos may face:
Recognizing these challenges helps parents and educators create supportive environments where children feel more at ease.
For children with autism, structured activities provide a predictable environment, making it easier to interact with others. Try starting with a small, familiar group setting where activities are well-defined, such as:
Structured activities reduce the stress of open-ended social settings, allowing children to focus on enjoying the interaction.
Finding common interests is one of the best ways to foster friendships. When children with autism connect with peers over shared interests, it often makes socializing more natural and enjoyable. Here’s how to encourage shared interests:
Shared interests can open doors to meaningful interactions, making socialization feel less intimidating. Encouraging your child to join groups where they share an interest helps to make social interactions easier because a child with autism has a predetermined subject the children can bond over.
Visual supports and social scripts can be incredibly effective for teaching social skills to children with autism. They offer clear guidance on how to engage with others, making interactions more manageable. These serve as a sort of 'dry-run' or rehearsal of what things they can expect, and how to navigate these situations in a less stressful manner.
Practicing these scripts regularly helps children feel more comfortable using them in real life. Rehearsing the social scripts and referencing those visual supports will build confidence and comfort.
Learning to take turns and listen is essential for building friendships. Role-playing activities can be an effective way to teach these skills:
The social abilities you are helping your child with Autism develop are helpful for anyone, and any age. Becoming more adept in social interactions is a lifelong skill that will benefit your child throughout their life, helping them in their future careers and friendships.
Children with autism often benefit from observing and mimicking social interactions. Watching a model interact can provide valuable insights and examples to follow. A few tips to follow when modeling social interactions:
Games can be powerful tools for teaching social skills in a fun and engaging way. Many games involve cooperation, turn-taking, and teamwork, which can help children learn valuable social skills in a low-stress environment. Here are some tips for using games to build social skills
Sometimes, the challenge in social interactions does not fall on the child with autism. Children often are not accepting of things they do not understand. Equipping peers with an understanding of autism can foster more inclusive interactions. Talk to classmates or friends about autism in simple, positive terms to encourage empathy and patience. Here are some ways to include educating the child's peers into the process:
Building friendships may be more challenging for children with autism, but it’s certainly possible with the right tools and support. By starting with structured activities, encouraging shared interests, and using supportive techniques like visual aids and social scripts, you can help create an environment where they feel comfortable and confident connecting with others. Most importantly, remember that friendships don’t have to follow any “typical” path to be meaningful and rewarding for children with autism.
With understanding, patience, and guidance, we can help children with autism enjoy the unique and fulfilling connections that friendships bring.
This approach provides parents, teachers, and caregivers with actionable steps to support children in forming friendships in a way that respects their needs and individual personalities.
So what is the difference? Many people often confuse shyness with social anxiety, as both involve discomfort in social situations. However, there are significant differences between the two. While shyness is a common personality trait, social anxiety is a more severe condition that can impact your child’s daily functioning. Understanding these differences can help you to recognize when what seems like "just being shy" may actually be a sign that your child has something more.
Shyness is a personality trait that many people experience at some point in their lives. It typically involves feeling awkward or hesitant in social situations, especially around unfamiliar people. Those who are shy may prefer to avoid the spotlight or large groups, but they don’t experience overwhelming fear or panic.
Shyness is relatively common, and many children who are shy can still form meaningful connections and engage in social activities with a bit of effort.
Social anxiety, or social anxiety disorder (SAD), is a mental health condition characterized by an intense fear of being judged, embarrassed, or humiliated in social settings. Unlike shyness, which may be mild and temporary, social anxiety often causes overwhelming stress that can interfere with daily activities like attending school or social gatherings.
Although shyness and social anxiety share some similarities, the differences lie in their intensity and impact on daily life.
Recognizing whether your child is shy or dealing with social anxiety can be crucial for knowing when to seek help. Here are some ways to discern when your child is experiencing social anxiety or shyness.
There are many things you can do to help your child manage feelings of shyness or full-blown social anxiety. The key is to take things slowly and with kindness. Causing more tension about overcoming these issues will often do the opposite of improving them!
For Shyness:
For Social Anxiety:
While shyness and social anxiety may seem similar at first glance, the key differences in their severity, impact, and physical symptoms highlight the importance of distinguishing between the two. Understanding these differences allows you to help your child address challenges effectively—whether through self-help strategies for shyness or seeking professional support for social anxiety. If you want help or have questions about your child’s ‘shyness’, feel free to email me at DrCarosso@aol.com. God bless!
We often think of a panic attack, sometimes referred to as an “anxiety attack” as this abrupt and spontaneous experience of intense anxiety, possibly occurring in some sort of public setting, from which there is a need for immediate escape to someplace calming and “safe.” A panic attack is often considered a dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system that leads to a momentary hyper-reaction of our involuntary bodily functions such as breathing, blood pressure, and digestion and feelings in the gut.
This over-reaction manifests in rapid and shallow breathing, heart palpitations, dizziness, and nausea. Of course, that’s all true. However, you know as well as I, sometimes these ‘attacks’ don’t manifest in that traditional way; the trigger can be predictable, not so spontaneous, and occur in your child in response to daily life demands such as going to school, attending a sport or activity, or some perceived anxiety-provoking event. The impact is the same; your child has an intense emotional episode and it’s really tough to soothe or console.
We focus on finding a calm environment for our child, remaining calm, providing healthy and soothing self-talk for the kiddo, and slowing down their breathing.
First, a focus on finding a calm and soothing environment, and remaining calm ourselves. If your child has frequent episodes of heightened emotionality, based in anxiety and fretfulness, it’s important to find a room or area in the house that has a calming environment, remove most items that can be used to throw or make a mess, maybe has some comfortable items such as beanbag chairs or some pillows, as well as some favored soothing items such as some stuffed animals to help with soothing and calming. As a parent, it’s vital that we remain calm, don’t raise your voice, watch your town, and speak in short and succinct phrases. In that respect, too much information only causes more anxiety. We want to offer reassurance and brief direction on how to calm.
One of the first things that happens during this type of anxiety or panic attack is the breathing goes haywire. At the same time, as the breathing is rapid and shallow, so is the thinking; the thoughts are racing and ‘all over the place’. So, we need to slow things down. The best way to accomplish that goal is to slow down the breathing. We often hear of a number of breathing activities and exercises including diaphragmatic breathing as well as mindful breathing. I suggest a simpler approach that’s easy to learn, practice, and carry out even in the heat of the moment. It goes like this:
Try this right now, it’s quick and easy. You’ll see it has a notable if not dramatic calming effect. It helps to slow things down and then it’s easier to think more clearly. This technique can be practiced during the week and then used as situations begin to escalate. Granted, it’s even more powerful to transition this technique into a mindful breathing exercise that entails using that same breathing cycle but doing it approximately 3 to 5 times in a row. Sometimes, however, it’s difficult to get children to practice the mindful approach and they’re more on board with practicing this simpler method that nonetheless is quite effective.
It is vital that we help our children to think in a calming and soothing manner. In that regard, what has caused the overreaction in the first place? It’s caused by over-reactive thoughts with the child telling him or herself that the situation is dire, horrible, and will end badly. Almost invariably, the thinking is irrational and unreasonable and, when we can moderate the thoughts, the feelings and the emotions moderate as well. So, we use a whiteboard and notes to instill calming and self-soothing phrases that the child needs to learn to communicate to oneself throughout the week. These phrases can be practiced and associated with prior experiences of stress. As a situation arises, as the parent, you can recite some of the phrases in a calm and gentle tone to help your child internalize and, at some point, your child will start using the phrases himself to self-soothe.
Creating a Sanctuary from Panic Attacks and Anxious Thoughts
Panic and anxiety attacks can be overcome when combining these approaches of a calm and soothing environment as well as a calm and soothing approach from you as the parent. Deep and slow breathing, and helping your child to think in a calm, reasonable, and rational manner also help. However, it takes daily practice of the breathing techniques and soothing self-talk, as well as planning and contemplation in regards to creating a calm environment in, for example, the child’s room. However, this is all time well spent and can be quite beneficial.
Whether your concerns are panic attacks and anxiety, or learning challenges, I am here to help! Don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions at DrCarosso@aol.com or on Facebook. Or you can make an appointment for therapy or an evaluation at 724-850-7200. You can also see more at helpforyourchild.com under parent resources. God bless you and your kiddo.
First things first... I find it quite disparaging to refer to anybody by a label or by a condition – such as “autistic”, “schizophrenic”, “bipolar” or as a “depressive” as opposed to “a person who has been diagnosed with autism”. A person’s condition is one small aspect of their identity, it does not define them. Actually, I feel the same way about identifying oneself by one’s profession - I really don’t like to think of myself as a “psychologist” but, rather, as a person who works as a psychologist. In any case, just wanted to point out that the title of this post is somewhat off–putting and that fact is not lost on me. It’s all too common that such phrases are used, and I think we should think twice about doing so. Okay, moving on…
I feel the same way about identifying oneself by one’s profession. I really don’t like to think of myself as a psychologist but, rather, as a person who works as a psychologist. In any case, just wanted to point out that the title of this post is somewhat off-putting and that fact is not lost on me. It’s all too common that such phrases are used, and I think we should think twice about doing so. Okay, moving on…
"Savant" is a term used for a person who has developmental disabilities but has an exceptional and extraordinary splinter skill. Those who saw the movie Rainman, know that character had an incredible mathematics mind and could count cards at a blackjack table or immediately cipher the number of toothpicks that fell on the floor. There are estimates that about 10% of people with autism have Savant abilities and about half of people with Savant Syndrome have autism. These exceptional skills can include musical talent, calculation, artistic ability, spatial ability, memory skills, and mechanical aptitude.
There are some extraordinary examples of individuals with Savant Syndrome. Kim Peek could calculate dates for events hundreds of years in the past or future. Stephan Wiltshire could draw detailed cityscapes from memory. These individuals had abilities beyond just a special interest or passion.
Individuals with autism are commonly rather obsessive and tend to fixate on various topics, interests, or even fears or concerns. Granted, these individuals may not have extraordinary abilities, but it is expected that kids who fixate on any given topic will know everything about it. For example, everything about trains, more details and names of dinosaurs than a paleontologist, know every capital city, the name of every president forward and backward, and every make and model of every vehicle you see on the road. It’s often truly remarkable.
These individuals may not be brilliant, but their passion has led to them memorizing this information. I suppose any of us could do the same if we put forth the effort, but they put forth the effort. As an aside, often these passions are not particularly problematic and can be quite productive and gainful. It is not entirely uncommon that these individuals go on to have a profession in the field of their passion. At times, however, they can get in the way if the child or youth is talking about presidents, or whatever, when in the presence of peers who obviously don’t share that interest. In that respect, it’s often important to keep these passions in check.
Okay, so what’s the connection between a child’s passion and their treatment plan? We would want to incorporate the child’s passion into their treatment. It can be challenging to motivate a child with autism to carry out tasks or learn about a subject when they are not interested. However, they will be laser-focused on a favored activity. So, we find ways to incorporate their interests into the topic at hand or we use their interest as a reward for carrying out the unfavored task.
A child with autism may not be interested in learning about the Civil War, but what if their passion is locomotives? What if we were to incorporate how railroads impacted the war effort and note that all Civil War battles east of the Mississippi River took place within 20 miles of the rail line? It wouldn’t be a stretch to then talk about specific battles, Generals, and how the war played out in the context of the railroad. Another option is to simply use the topic of interest as an incentive for carrying out an unfavored task. Sometimes it requires a bit more creativity to make all this come together, but there is great potential.
I hope this post has helped to distinguish between Savant Syndrome and autistic individuals who have a strong special interest. If you have any questions regarding treatment planning or any aspect of treatment regarding your child, feel free to reach out at DrCarosso@aol.com or on Facebook. God bless you and your children and have a wonderful rest of your day.
The Bermuda Triangle??
Okay, so what does Bermuda have to do with this post besides the fact that it’s a really cool place to go on vacation? Well, not much, and admittedly I included it just to get your attention. The triangle context I’ll be using today has much better outcomes than the one from Bermuda lore.
In today's example, you actually want your child to be inside the Bermuda Triangle. The triangle shape is very pertinent and important to classroom success. As parents, we want our children to receive optimal attention and monitoring from the classroom teacher. No matter if our kiddo is neurotypical, or has ADHD, autism, or other challenges, particular seats in the classroom receive more attention, eye contact, and prompting from the classroom teacher than other seats.
Picture a traditional classroom, with the front row being the base of the triangle and the two angled sides extending into the middle portion of the classroom. The children sitting in that triangle receive the most attention from the classroom teacher. That’s where you want your child seated. I would suggest that the more attention your child needs, the more important it is to sit near the front and in the middle. A 504 plan or IEP sometimes refers to this as “preferential seating” but that term can be rather vague. I want you to be specific when having those discussions with school staff.
There are many other suggestions and accommodations that can help your child experience increased levels of success in the classroom. These could include:
Having one of these, or multiple options to try is a good way to discover what might be the best fit for your kiddo.
If you have any questions regarding improving your child's classroom success, feel free to reach out to Facebook or at DrCarosso@aol.com. I hope you have found this post be helpful in recognizing the importance of what’s referred to as preferential seating in the specifics of what that might look like. Hope you have a wonderful day, and God bless you and your kiddos.
