As a child psychologist, one of the things I often observe is how much smoother, more rewarding, and less draining social interactions are when children share something in common—whether it's interests, styles, or ways of communicating. A recent study in Biological Psychiatry, Oct 2025, (A novel approach to building communication and social connection among individuals with autism) gives strong support to this idea, especially for children on the autism spectrum. Below, I walk through what this study shows, what it means for parents, and how you might apply it in everyday life.
This research supports some ideas that many parents already intuitively adopt: that environments designed for mutual fit can reduce stress, social fatigue, and disappointment, and instead promote connection, confidence, and enjoyment.
Here are some takeaways:
This research helps confirm what many families and practitioners already sense: that the social world isn't one-size-fits-all. When we design environments that align with how children naturally communicate, we see more connection, less frustration, and real enjoyment. Pairing children (or creating peer groups) based on similarity in traits or communication style is not about separating or limiting—it’s about building conditions where children can relax, be themselves, and discover that others do get who they are. For more helpful tips on how to help children with Autism make friends, check out my article Helping Children with Autism Make Friends: 8 Practical Tips and Strategies.
👉 For more strategies and real-life stories from families, visit my Making School Easier series on my Substack site: Help Kids Thrive. I will be sharing tips, videos, and comprehensive articles for my readers there, so don't forget to check it out and subscribe.
If you’ve spent any time reading about autism, you’ve probably come across the term masking. In short, masking refers to when an individual on the autism spectrum consciously or unconsciously hides or “covers up” their autistic traits in order to fit in socially. This might include forcing eye contact, mimicking peers’ behaviors, suppressing stimming (like rocking or hand-flapping), or scripting conversations to appear more socially fluent.
Research has shown that masking is real and can take a significant toll on children, teens, and adults alike. Studies suggest that prolonged masking can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, depression, and even a weakened sense of identity (Hull et al., 2017). In other words, while masking may help a child “blend in” in the short term, it can be emotionally costly in the long run.
Here’s where it gets a little tricky: while masking is very real, it’s not always the best explanation for younger children. A 5-year-old, for example, might behave very differently at home versus at school, but that doesn’t always mean they’re intentionally hiding their autistic traits.
More often, what we’re seeing in younger kids is simply situational behavior. Children—autistic or not—act differently depending on their environment. At school, routines, expectations, and peer influences may naturally lead to quieter or more compliant behavior. At home, where they feel safe, the child may release all that pent-up energy and emotion. Parents sometimes describe this as their child “holding it together all day and then melting down at home.”
That’s not necessarily masking—it’s just being a child with different comfort levels in different settings.
Masking tends to become more evident as children grow older—often in the later elementary years, middle school, and beyond—when social awareness increases. At that stage, many children start noticing that their natural behaviors don’t always “match” those of their peers. Wanting to fit in, they begin to consciously adjust how they act.
For example:
That’s the heart of masking—effortfully reshaping oneself to meet external expectations.
If you suspect your child is masking, here are a few ways to help:
Masking is an important concept to understand, but it’s also important not to over-apply it—especially with very young children. Sometimes a preschooler isn’t masking; they’re just showing the natural flexibility (and limits) of their age. As children grow, however, keeping an eye out for signs of masking can help us support their mental health, sense of self, and overall well-being.
And remember—you know your child best. Your observations, paired with thoughtful collaboration with teachers and professionals, will go a long way in helping your child thrive.
👉 For more strategies and real-life stories from families, visit my Making School Easier series on my Substack site: Help Kids Thrive. I will be sharing tips, videos, and comprehensive articles for my readers there, so don't forget to check it out and subscribe.
If you’re the parent of a child with ADHD or autism, you probably know the morning routine can feel like running a marathon before the day has even begun. Between misplaced shoes, half-eaten breakfasts, and last-minute backpack scrambles, stress levels rise quickly. For kids with ADHD and autism, these struggles aren’t about being lazy or defiant—they reflect the unique way their brains process tasks, transitions, and distractions.
Children with ADHD often wrestle with starting tasks and resisting distractions. A child may intend to put on their socks, but suddenly becomes absorbed in a Lego figure found under the bed. For children on the autism spectrum, transitions are especially challenging. Unexpected changes or unclear directions can create anxiety that derails the whole routine. Understanding these differences helps parents shift from frustration to compassion.
One of the most effective tools for easing mornings is structure. Think of structure not as rigid rules but as a framework that makes life feel safer and more predictable. Visual schedules or “first–then” reminders are especially powerful. A card that reads, “First brush teeth, then get dressed” keeps expectations clear and removes the emotional battles over what comes next.
Children thrive when they can see their progress in real time. Traditional report cards tell us weeks later how our children are doing, but that’s often too late. Daily check-ins, sometimes called Daily Report Cards, offer immediate feedback. A teacher might note whether a child stayed seated or started work on time, and parents can review this at home. Kids quickly learn to connect their choices with outcomes, which builds motivation and confidence.
Many children with ADHD need to move in order to focus. Instead of fighting this, we can embrace it. A short walk to deliver a note or a quick break between lessons can reset attention and improve focus. For children with autism, scheduled movement breaks also help regulate sensory input, preventing meltdowns before they happen.
For many parents, the backpack becomes the “black hole” where homework and papers disappear. But organization is a skill that must be taught, not assumed. Color-coded folders, weekly clean-outs, and clear routines help children feel more in control of their schoolwork. Over time, these systems give children pride in being prepared and capable.
The goal is not perfection. It’s about helping your child feel more capable, reducing morning stress, and creating a calmer rhythm for the whole family. Each smoother morning is a step toward building confidence and independence.
👉 For more strategies and real-life stories from families, visit my Making School Easier series on my Substack site: Help Kids Thrive. I will be sharing tips, videos, and comprehensive articles for my readers there, so don't forget to check it out and subscribe.
Many parents wonder whether their child needs an IEP or a 504 Plan. Both provide legal support in schools, but they serve different purposes. An IEP (Individualized Education Program) provides specialized instruction and sets specific learning goals. A 504 Plan, on the other hand, ensures access through accommodations, like extended test time or movement breaks, but does not include specialized instruction.
If your child needs therapies such as speech or occupational therapy, or specific teaching interventions to make progress, an IEP is usually the right choice. If your child is performing at grade level but benefits from classroom adjustments, a 504 Plan may be enough. The key is tailoring support to meet your child’s unique needs, not squeezing them into a one-size-fits-all solution.
Just as important as the plan itself is the team working behind it. Your child’s success depends on collaboration among parents, teachers, and specialists. I often suggest starting meetings by sharing your child’s strengths. Highlighting what your child does well shifts the tone from problem-fixing to strength-building, reminding everyone that your child is more than their challenges.
Even the best strategies sometimes stop working. Maybe a routine that worked in September doesn’t fit anymore by February. Or perhaps an accommodation written into the plan isn’t being consistently used. These moments aren’t failures—they’re opportunities to problem-solve. Approaching teachers with curiosity—“I noticed the daily report card hasn’t been coming home, is it difficult to fit into the day?”—often leads to collaboration instead of conflict.
The true goal isn’t just to survive this year. It’s to help children develop lifelong skills such as self-advocacy, organization, and confidence. These tools prepare them not only for school but also for future jobs, relationships, and independence. When parents and schools work together as partners, kids don’t just get by—they grow.
👉 For a deeper dive into how to work with schools and build effective plans, I share more on my Making School Easier series on my Substack site called Help Kids Thrive. I will be sharing tips, videos, and comprehensive articles for my readers there, so don't forget to check it out and subscribe!
Hey friends! Can you even believe the lazy, carefree days of summer are winding down? One minute, we’re splashing in the kiddie pool, the next we’re setting alarms for the crack of dawn. The time goes by too quickly!
So, here’s the thing (and don’t worry, you’re not alone): transitioning from those long summer days into structured school routines can feel like shifting your whole home into another time zone. But the good news is that a little prep a few weeks before the bell rings can truly sprinkle magic on those mornings and evenings. Here are some steps you can take to make things transition more smoothly:
About 2–3 weeks before school, begin nudging bedtimes and wake-ups just a smidge earlier. A 15–30 minute shift every few days works wonders in avoiding that Monday-morning chaos. Do the same for breakfast—laying out clothes, packing backpacks, getting lunches started the night before—so mornings feel more like smooth sailing and less like a frantic relay race.
Kids flourish when routines are consistent. Use visuals—a chart, whiteboard, or fun stickers—to map out after-school tasks, such as snack time, homework, or quiet reading. These little cues help both of you glide through routines more easily.
Create a central command zone: a designated spot for backpacks, planners, and notes, where everyone can check before heading out, and a dedicated homework area. It’s about providing kids with both tools and a familiar space for focus, complete with good lighting and essential school supplies at hand.
Back-to-school nerves? Totally normal. Have a safe and gentle chat with your child: What are they most excited about, or worried about? Affirm that mixed feelings are okay and that you’re right there with them.
Start shopping early for supplies to avoid a last-minute scramble and financial stress (those Amazon kits at $18 are a smart move). Deep clean backpacks, lunch boxes, and water bottles. They pick up some serious summer funk!
Additionally, home health essentials are a must. Keep thermometers, sanitizer, and basic medications on hand, and ensure vaccinations, such as the flu shot, are up to date before cold season arrives.
You’ve got this! With a sprinkle of planning, a dash of structure, and a big scoop of love (plus maybe fewer pancakes tossed at your ceiling), you’ll glide into the school year, or at least laugh a little more when inertia hits. Here’s to a calm, confident start to your best school year yet.
I’ve shared tips before, such as in “Summer Break Is Fast Approaching” and “No Meltdown Outings”, but this post brings everything together and expands on key areas, including allergy safety and handling dogs. Think of this as your ultimate summer resource!
You’ve heard me say it before: kids with autism do best with structure—even in summer. In “Summer Break Is Fast Approaching,” I outlined how maintaining a visual schedule, consistent wake-up/meals/bedtimes, and preparing them for outings reduces anxiety. This remains true for all children, and especially children with Autism. This extended version includes:
Always bring an EpiPen or allergy kit outdoors. Even if bee stings or environmental allergens haven’t been an issue before, unexpected reactions can happen. Ensure:
This step brings peace of mind and keeps the family's summer carefree.
In past posts, I’ve talked about managing meltdowns, public behavior, and using social stories to prepare for outings. Something that can be scary or exciting for any child is meeting new friends of the four-legged variety. A little bit of preparation can help these encounters stay safe and fun. Here are some dog-specific ways to prep before an outing:
It's always good to have an exit plan or backup for any activity, especially for younger children or children with Autism. Here are some options to prepare:
Summer success isn’t about quantity—it’s about quality:
Remember: even the best-laid plans may shift. Whether it's weather, fatigue, or mood, it’s okay to adapt.
I've included a quick reference checklist to keep track of the tips and recommendations I shared today. This guide can be used for any outing year-round, and is helpful for all children.
Here’s to a summer filled with smiles, confidence, safety, and lots of memories!
Raising a child with autism is a journey filled with unique joys and challenges. Research consistently shows that when parents receive adequate support and resources, both they and their children experience better outcomes. Parents who feel supported are more empowered to advocate for their children, navigate complex systems, and foster environments where their children can thrive.
As a child psychologist, I understand the importance of accessible resources and community support. That's why I've compiled a list of free resources to assist you:
For more resources and insights, visit:
If you have questions or need personalized guidance, feel free to reach out to me directly at DrCarosso@aol.com. I'm here to help you every step of the way.
If you’ve followed along with my blog, you may remember The Softer and Closer Approach—a heartfelt reminder that how we show up with our children often matters more than what we say or do. Today, I want to dive a little deeper into that idea and highlight the importance of remaining calm, getting down to your child’s level, and inviting them into cooperative problem-solving.
Let’s face it—parenting is hard. When your child is upset, defiant, or overwhelmed, it’s easy to slip into frustration or raise your voice. However, neuroscience suggests that children don’t respond well to intense stimuli. In fact, it does the opposite: it heightens their stress and shuts down the part of the brain that helps them listen, think, and make good choices.
Dr. Daniel Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and author of The Whole-Brain Child, emphasizes that when we approach our kids with calm and connection, we actually help regulate their emotions. He calls it “name it to tame it” and encourages parents to co-regulate by being present, gentle, and empathetic.
One of the simplest and most powerful things you can do is get on the same level as your child—kneel, sit, or squat down. This shows your child that you're not towering over them but instead with them. It's a subtle but powerful message of safety and collaboration.
Research from the University of Washington’s Parenting Clinic found that non-verbal cues—like kneeling down and soft eye contact—significantly increase a child’s ability to attend and respond positively during discipline moments.
Speak Softly—It Gets Heard Better
It may seem counterintuitive, but speaking softly when your child is upset garners more attention than raising your voice. A gentle tone activates a child's social engagement system, which helps them feel secure and ready to cooperate, rather than fight or flee.
According to The Harvard Center on the Developing Child, positive adult-child interactions—including calm verbal communication—build strong neural pathways in young children that support emotional regulation and learning.
Rather than jumping into correction or punishment, consider pausing and asking, “What do you think we can do to fix this together?” This kind of invitation not only models problem-solving but also builds confidence and collaboration.
Ross Greene, Ph.D., author of The Explosive Child, developed the “Collaborative & Proactive Solutions” model, which centers on this approach. His research shows that children are far more likely to change behavior when they feel heard and are involved in creating the solution.
Every moment like this builds trust, confidence, and emotional maturity.
If you’re finding these moments hard to navigate, you’re not alone. It takes practice, patience, and support. I’m here to help. Feel free to reach out to me at DrCarosso@aol.com—and visit HelpForYourChild.com for more parenting insights.
One of the more delicate and important conversations a parent may face is how—and when—to tell their child that they have a diagnosis of autism. Understandably, parents want to handle this moment with care, ensuring the explanation is both empowering and appropriate to the child’s developmental level.
In my experience working with children and families, one of the clearest signals that a child may be ready to hear about their diagnosis is when they start asking questions like, “Why am I different?” or say things like, “Is there something’s wrong with me?” This awareness can emerge in early elementary years or sometimes not until adolescence, depending on the child’s insight and life experiences.
Research supports this idea. A study published in Autism (Crane et al., 2019) found that many young people appreciated being informed about their diagnosis when it was presented in a positive and personalized manner, aligning with their own experiences and questions. Children reported feeling relieved to have an explanation for their differences, particularly when those differences had previously led to frustration or feelings of isolation.
Before talking to your child, it’s helpful to reflect on a few things:
When the time comes, frame the conversation with compassion and strength. Emphasize that autism is not something “wrong,” but a different way of thinking and experiencing the world. Highlight your child’s strengths while also validating the challenges they face.
And don’t forget to talk about privacy and boundaries. While we want our children to feel proud of who they are, it’s also important that they understand personal information—like a diagnosis—is theirs to share only when they feel safe and ready. Not everyone needs to know, and that’s okay.
This is a big step, and you don’t have to walk it alone. If you’re unsure how or when to talk with your child about their autism diagnosis—or just want someone to walk through the process with you—please feel free to reach out. I’d be happy to help you find the words, the timing, and the confidence to support your child with love and understanding. Feel free to reach out at DrCarosso@aol.com. And if you suspect your child might have autism, check out our helpful information on how we diagnose and treat autism at The Autism Centers of Pittsburgh.
When is it typical childhood behavior, and when is it something to be concerned about? Many parents ask this question when they see their child struggling with focus, impulsivity, or high energy. While it’s natural for kids to be active and occasionally distracted, ADHD becomes a concern only when these behaviors clearly interfere with a child’s functioning at home, in school, and socially.
A child may be wiggly or inattentive, but for ADHD to be diagnosed, three key factors must be present:
Sometimes, kids appear far more hyperactive at home than at school. In cases of genuine ADHD, while it is expected that there would be signs of ADHD at school, this doesn’t necessarily rule out ADHD; in fact, many children "hold it together" at school and then release their energy at home. That’s why a comprehensive evaluation is so important.
Dr. John Carosso, a licensed Child Clinical Psychologist, has decades of experience in pediatric behavioral health. Dr. Carosso performs a detailed, evidence-based evaluation that includes:
This holistic approach ensures an accurate diagnosis and informs a treatment plan tailored to your child’s needs.
An ADHD diagnosis isn’t the end of the story - it’s the beginning of a plan. Effective treatment combines medical, behavioral, and educational strategies.
1. Structure and Routine - Children with ADHD thrive with predictability. Clear daily routines, visual schedules, and consistent expectations help reduce frustration and increase focus. Simple changes—like labeled bins, posted checklists, and fixed homework times—can make a world of difference.
2. Medication - Stimulant medications such as methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta) or amphetamines (Adderall, Vyvanse) are often prescribed to reduce ADHD symptoms. When properly monitored, these medications are safe and effective, helping kids focus, stay calm, and better manage their behavior.
3. High-Level Oversight and Monitoring - Children with ADHD often require close adult supervision and frequent prompting. This is known as proximity control. It may involve:
These supports help children initiate, persist, and complete tasks, which they often struggle to do independently. Over time, your child will learn to rely more on independent tools such as:
Direct oversight can gradually fade as their self-regulation improves, promoting independence and confidence.
4. 504 Service Agreement at School - A 504 Plan is a formal agreement that allows children with ADHD to receive classroom accommodations such as:
These supports level the playing field without altering curriculum standards, helping your child succeed academically.
ADHD is not just a phase or personality trait—it’s a real condition that can profoundly affect a child’s development if not addressed. But with an accurate diagnosis and a comprehensive treatment plan, children with ADHD can succeed and thrive in all areas of life.
If you’re concerned that your child may be showing signs of ADHD, schedule a comprehensive evaluation with Dr. John Carosso - he'll help you determine whether ADHD is truly present and guide you toward the right treatment plan.
Click here to schedule an evaluation. We are proudly serving families throughout Pennsylvania via in-person and telehealth evaluations.
