Without further ado, here they are:
1. ASSUME CONTROL
Control based in Action/Relationship
Don’t entertain explanations
Project self-confidence
Business-like
Give direction, don’t make requests
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS AND EMOTION
Cut-off communication if child becomes belligerent
Avoid reasoning with child
Give direction and walk away
Communicate: It’s your problem, not mine
1-2-3 Magic
3. PLAN FOR NEXT TIME
Discuss ahead of time what will happen if noncompliant
Also discuss between parents – PLAN AHEAD and BE ON THE SAME PAGE
Predetermined expectations and consequences (behavior charts…)
Most problem behavior is predictable and patterned
Be consistent
Don’t give a direction if not ready to back-it-up (each time you do that, you lose some control)
4. DON’T LECTURE
Brief and to the point
Humor
No emotion (be the James Bond of parents)
Don’t explain or lecture
1-2-3 Magic
5. FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM BEHAVIOR; BE SPECIFIC
Be specific (what you want, and what you like)
No emotion, model self-confidence
Don’t focus on “attitude” – focus on behavior
6. AVOID DISTRACTIONS
Turn off TV, video games
Remove siblings
Remove siblings, friends
No distractions during confrontations and chores
7. USE POSITIVE PRAISE AND EMOTION
Catch them being good
Whisper (softer and closer)
You get what you praise
Attention-Tank (fill child’s attention tank with positive praise)
8. SELF-DISCLOSURE
Use judiciously and cautiously
I-Feel Statements (“I feel frustrated when you ignore me…”)
Tell them how you feel, don’t show them (control your emotional response)
9. ROLE MODEL APPROPRIATE PROBLEM-SOLVING
‘What you do speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you say’
Words and emotion are your enemy (brief, no emotion)
Role model effective problem-solving
10. PICK YOUR BATTLES
Be flexible
Check-in later
Dr. John Carosso
