As a child psychologist, one of the things I often observe is how much smoother, more rewarding, and less draining social interactions are when children share something in common—whether it's interests, styles, or ways of communicating. A recent study in Biological Psychiatry, Oct 2025, (A novel approach to building communication and social connection among individuals with autism) gives strong support to this idea, especially for children on the autism spectrum. Below, I walk through what this study shows, what it means for parents, and how you might apply it in everyday life.
What the New Study Found
- Similarity matters
Researchers in China studied groups of people with varying levels of autistic traits. They found that people with similar levels of autistic traits are more likely to feel drawn to one another—interpersonally attracted—especially when their opinions or styles match during group discussions. - Brain “synchronization” depends on match and context
Using a technique called functional near-infrared spectroscopy (fNIRS), which tracks brain activity across people, the researchers saw that “neural synchronization” (how well people’s brains seem to be attuned to one another in conversation) was higher when people had similar autistic traits, though when that synchronization showed up depended on whether they were listening passively (just hearing a story) or actively engaging in turn-taking dialogue. - Low vs higher trait pairs differ by context
For example, people with few autistic traits synchronized more during passive story-listening; when the conversation was more active, pairs both low and high in autistic traits relied on different brain networks, not simply “less” activation.
What This Means for Parents and Children
This research supports some ideas that many parents already intuitively adopt: that environments designed for mutual fit can reduce stress, social fatigue, and disappointment, and instead promote connection, confidence, and enjoyment.
Here are some takeaways:
- Looking beyond “skill-deficit”
The “double empathy problem”—a growing framework in autism studies—suggests that challenges in social interaction aren’t all on the child with autism; mismatches in communication styles between people (neurotypical vs neurodivergent, or between individuals with different traits) also play a big role. This recent work supports that: when the match is good, the child with autism isn’t just “less behind,” but can genuinely lead or contribute in ways that feel natural. - Encouraging peer groups with similar styles
Whether in school, therapy, or social groups, pairing or grouping children with comparable levels of social-communication traits or interests might produce better outcomes—less anxiety, more belonging, and more positive social feedback. If children feel that the other person “gets them,” they are more likely to relax, engage, and try new things socially. - Structure helps
The study suggests that structured turns, clear expectations, and aligned conversational mood help neural and social attunement. In everyday life, this could mean caregivers or educators setting up routines for group discussion, rules or cues for turn-taking, or even matching conversation topics to shared interests to boost alignment and reduce the cognitive load of guessing what the other expects. - Reducing social fatigue
Mismatch in traits and styles can be exhausting: constantly working to translate, anticipate, interpret. Better matches reduce that burden. Over time, this could mean less burnout, more sustained engagement, and greater confidence socially.
Practical Ideas to Try
- When organizing playdates, group therapy, or social skills groups, consider grouping children who have similar communication styles or sensory preferences—for instance, children who prefer quieter settings, or who enjoy more structured turn-taking.
- In classroom or group settings, try small-group lessons or activities that let children choose partners or peers with whom they feel comfortable. Let them try different pairings and notice how some feel more natural.
- Use shared interests as a bridge. If children with autism both love trains, or video games, or animals, use that as a basis for conversation, group projects, or role-plays.
- Educators and therapists: build in explicit instruction around “how we talk together” (turn-taking, listening, giving feedback) and recognize that different children may need different supports to feel seen and heard in those moments.
Closing Thoughts
This research helps confirm what many families and practitioners already sense: that the social world isn't one-size-fits-all. When we design environments that align with how children naturally communicate, we see more connection, less frustration, and real enjoyment. Pairing children (or creating peer groups) based on similarity in traits or communication style is not about separating or limiting—it’s about building conditions where children can relax, be themselves, and discover that others do get who they are. For more helpful tips on how to help children with Autism make friends, check out my article Helping Children with Autism Make Friends: 8 Practical Tips and Strategies.
👉 For more strategies and real-life stories from families, visit my Making School Easier series on my Substack site: Help Kids Thrive. I will be sharing tips, videos, and comprehensive articles for my readers there, so don't forget to check it out and subscribe.
Great article, Dr. John! Keep up the excellent work.