What is “Masking”?
If you’ve spent any time reading about autism, you’ve probably come across the term masking. In short, masking refers to when an individual on the autism spectrum consciously or unconsciously hides or “covers up” their autistic traits in order to fit in socially. This might include forcing eye contact, mimicking peers’ behaviors, suppressing stimming (like rocking or hand-flapping), or scripting conversations to appear more socially fluent.
Research has shown that masking is real and can take a significant toll on children, teens, and adults alike. Studies suggest that prolonged masking can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, depression, and even a weakened sense of identity (Hull et al., 2017). In other words, while masking may help a child “blend in” in the short term, it can be emotionally costly in the long run.
Younger Children and “Masking”
Here’s where it gets a little tricky: while masking is very real, it’s not always the best explanation for younger children. A 5-year-old, for example, might behave very differently at home versus at school, but that doesn’t always mean they’re intentionally hiding their autistic traits.
More often, what we’re seeing in younger kids is simply situational behavior. Children—autistic or not—act differently depending on their environment. At school, routines, expectations, and peer influences may naturally lead to quieter or more compliant behavior. At home, where they feel safe, the child may release all that pent-up energy and emotion. Parents sometimes describe this as their child “holding it together all day and then melting down at home.”
That’s not necessarily masking—it’s just being a child with different comfort levels in different settings.
When Masking is More Likely
Masking tends to become more evident as children grow older—often in the later elementary years, middle school, and beyond—when social awareness increases. At that stage, many children start noticing that their natural behaviors don’t always “match” those of their peers. Wanting to fit in, they begin to consciously adjust how they act.
For example:
- A 10-year-old boy might notice that flapping his hands draws attention, so he keeps them in his pockets at school.
- A middle school girl may memorize jokes or conversational scripts before lunch so she can participate without anxiety.
- A teenager might push through social interactions with forced smiles and rehearsed responses, only to come home completely drained.
That’s the heart of masking—effortfully reshaping oneself to meet external expectations.
How Parents Can Support Their Child
If you suspect your child is masking, here are a few ways to help:
- Create safe spaces: Home should be a place where your child feels completely free to be themselves.
- Acknowledge their effort: Let them know you notice how hard they’re working to navigate social situations.
- Encourage self-expression: Whether it’s stimming, drawing, or retreating for quiet time, your child needs healthy outlets.
- Work with teachers: Share what you observe at home and school so your child’s team can better support them.
A Final Thought
Masking is an important concept to understand, but it’s also important not to over-apply it—especially with very young children. Sometimes a preschooler isn’t masking; they’re just showing the natural flexibility (and limits) of their age. As children grow, however, keeping an eye out for signs of masking can help us support their mental health, sense of self, and overall well-being.
And remember—you know your child best. Your observations, paired with thoughtful collaboration with teachers and professionals, will go a long way in helping your child thrive.
👉 For more strategies and real-life stories from families, visit my Making School Easier series on my Substack site: Help Kids Thrive. I will be sharing tips, videos, and comprehensive articles for my readers there, so don't forget to check it out and subscribe.
