Apple Tree’s Top Ten Behavioral Strategies
Apple Tree’s Top Ten Behavioral Strategies are taught on the videos in this series for your success in properly managing your child’s behavior. Using these techniques will go a long way toward improving your relationship with your child, and overall family harmony. These strategies are taught in detailed fashion in our video lessons, and can be reviewed in detail below.
Assuming Control
- Control based in Action/Relationship
- No repeated explanations
- Project self-confidence
- Business-like
- Give direction, don’t make requests
Avoiding Arguments and Emotion
- Cut-off communication if child becomes belligerent
- Avoid reasoning with child
- Give direction and walk away
- Communicate: It’s your problem, not mine
Plan Ahead
- Working together as Parents
- Avoid "traps"
- Mean what you say and say what you mean
Avoiding Lecturing and Pestering
- Brief and to the point
- Humor
- No emotion except humor (be the James Bond of parents)
- Don’t explain, lecture, or pester
- Relying on consequences: how to use counting regimens (1-2-3), time-out, loss of privilege, and behavior Charts; and pro’s and con’s of each option
Focusing on the Problem
- Be specific (what you want, and what you like)
- No emotion, model self-confidence
- Don’t focus on or label child’s “attitude” – focus on behavior
Avoiding Distractions
- Turn off TV, video games
- Remove siblings
- Remove siblings, friends
- No distractions during confrontations and chores
Using Positive Praise and Emotion
- Catch them being good
- 'Whisper (softer and closer approach)
- You get what you praise
- Attention-Tank (fill child’s attention-tank with positive praise)
Self-Disclosing
- Use judiciously and cautiously (“you make me so frustrated…”)
- I-Feel Statements (“I feel frustrated when you ignore me…”)
- Tell them how you feel (“that’s disappointing”), don’t show them (control your emotional response)
- When I was your age…
- Sharing past indiscretions
Role Modeling Appropriate Problem-Solving
- “What you do speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you say”
- Words and emotion are your enemy (brief, no emotion)
- Role model effective problem-solving
Picking Your Battles
- Be flexible
- Prioritize (safety issues first, then aggression, destruction of property, defiance, then annoying behaviors last)
- Is it worth it?
- Don’t give the direction if not up the challenge
Effectively Managing Your Teen
- How do you communicate with your teen?
- Setting rules and boundaries with your teen
- Clearly explain the rules and expectations
