One of the more delicate and important conversations a parent may face is how—and when—to tell their child that they have a diagnosis of autism. Understandably, parents want to handle this moment with care, ensuring the explanation is both empowering and appropriate to the child’s developmental level.
So, When Is The Right Time?
In my experience working with children and families, one of the clearest signals that a child may be ready to hear about their diagnosis is when they start asking questions like, “Why am I different?” or say things like, “Is there something’s wrong with me?” This awareness can emerge in early elementary years or sometimes not until adolescence, depending on the child’s insight and life experiences.
Research supports this idea. A study published in Autism (Crane et al., 2019) found that many young people appreciated being informed about their diagnosis when it was presented in a positive and personalized manner, aligning with their own experiences and questions. Children reported feeling relieved to have an explanation for their differences, particularly when those differences had previously led to frustration or feelings of isolation.
What Else Should Parents Consider?
Before talking to your child, it’s helpful to reflect on a few things:
- Your child’s emotional readiness: Are they expressing curiosity? Are they noticing social or sensory differences? Are they struggling with self-esteem or confusion about their identity?
- Their developmental level: The explanation needs to be age-appropriate. A younger child may understand it as “your brain works a little differently,” while an older child or teen may be ready for more detail about how autism affects their thinking, communication, or sensory experience.
- Your own comfort level: It’s okay if you’re feeling unsure. You’re not alone, and it’s perfectly appropriate to seek guidance before starting the conversation.
It’s Not Just About Telling Them The Diagnosis—It’s How You Tell It.
When the time comes, frame the conversation with compassion and strength. Emphasize that autism is not something “wrong,” but a different way of thinking and experiencing the world. Highlight your child’s strengths while also validating the challenges they face.
And don’t forget to talk about privacy and boundaries. While we want our children to feel proud of who they are, it’s also important that they understand personal information—like a diagnosis—is theirs to share only when they feel safe and ready. Not everyone needs to know, and that’s okay.
Need Support? I’m Here To Help.
This is a big step, and you don’t have to walk it alone. If you’re unsure how or when to talk with your child about their autism diagnosis—or just want someone to walk through the process with you—please feel free to reach out. I’d be happy to help you find the words, the timing, and the confidence to support your child with love and understanding. Feel free to reach out at DrCarosso@aol.com. And if you suspect your child might have autism, check out our helpful information on how we diagnose and treat autism at The Autism Centers of Pittsburgh.
